To look at someone who has done what she has done to me makes it easy to be crude and angry in return. Being nice is hard but i see the benefit for me, not only for this but for my life in general.
Very true. Being nice is a huge benefit to you. You can really rise above, you are presented a fantastic opportunity to be a better person.
Originally Posted by Hamburg
It's harder in terms of thinking niceness will make her think I approve of everything, which I don't.
I understand. I see and shared your reasoning. This is manipulative in nature, trying to be or act to alter her outcome.
Look at what you just said:
Originally Posted by Hamburg
...i see the benefit for me, not only for this but for my life in general.
That is the reason right there. Don’t worry about, or think, that she may believe you approve of her, she can do that no matter what you do. Keep the focus on you. Be better for you.
Of course, to be honest, we are all manipulating, leading, guiding, this to some extent. Being the lighthouse, being nice, kind, forgiving - is for you. It also has the affect of helping her. See things as more of showing her a better path, instead of condoning her current path. Again, that is your viewpoint, how she see things is on her, and you cannot control how she views your actions.
You are doing very well, and are seeing the benefits, as well as the catch 22 of this.
Hamburg, let go of the other side, let go of the circular logic, and be the best you will be - for you.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
