Standing our ground - together as a family

[OneLessWife]

Any updates Irish

[marina7]

Irish,

Wow, W sounds like my W.

Your Girls are so lucky to have a parent like you.

Keep standing by your girls. And all you can do is keep doing
what you been doing.

I have written this before.
I think your W is to far into the hole and can't find herself back.
Is so sad. How a mom can simply do this. My W did I always thought it was
Because they are adopted but it shows me when Mlc are in deep it doesn't matter.

Stay strong as you have. And once again your girls are lucky.

[Irish M]

HI Gordie,

yes that quote is amazing and i feel its true. I hope its the reason she avoids the girls. So they don't see what she is doing.

I think of the beautiful advice OneArt gave DNJ

She was good when she gave her daughters to the one person who could care for them

Hi Peace

I would love to guide the girls to forgiveness. I won't only because drugs and alcohol are very present in XW's life.

I think of the day that they do connect and it does make me smile. Will it happen no clue. Will I help, most probably. Will the girls make the first move. Nope. Not until they feel and see positive things from their mom.

Hi OLW, hope you are doing good. thanks for checking in on me.

Hi Marina

Yes the W's seem very similar.
yes, i think she is in a hole, she was never one to face things on, roll up her sleeves and fight. Except for going after $ from the girls. But we can put that down as the new her.

You are all amazing people. Even the new people that come and post or just read. You are all here to find the solution, the magic formula. To share your tale so it can help others. Time is the only remedy. We all have something in common though. The love for our MLCr.

I had a dream the other night. I was sitting across from my XW. we were talking about each others version of events, laughing, I felt like i was flying, no weight at all. There was no tears or anger. Just talking about the past 3 years ..

when i woke up, i wanted so bad to talk to her. Thought about her all day. It didn't upset me . I guess my dream is what I need. What we all need. You can call it closure but it's not that.

Now, I know I have a better chance of having a double scoop ice-cream in h3ll without it melting a drop than me and my XW sitting down reminiscing lol but I'm at a point where I would say yes to it. A years ago, I would judge her and she would see it in my eyes.

hope you all had a great thanksgiving in the USA. Christmas is on its way, coming up fast. My house in he front is lit, this weekend is the backyard.

take care

Irish

[roist]

And the saga continues. Sorry to read as a year ago she showed some cracks of humanity that I hoped would have developed. Unfortunately she is stillvery stuck. I was going to speculate about what her thinking is but will refrain. For the moment it is irrelevant.

So back to her latest text. I would print it off and file it with her latest L communications. I probably wouldemail it to her L tbh, but a part from clarifying to the L that his client is the issue, there is no benefit for you and the girls to stir that up. But do save that message and have it for the next time you do have to reply to a L (maybeN°5!)

Regardless of how well you are doing, this is a long strain. Unfortunatelymoreso on your girls than for you. I trulyhope that they don't have long term issues or issues that resurface later in life. Having such a great dad will surely help them. I am glad they have such a steady solid parenting role model in you.

I posted recently on another thread about someone advising that even in unpleasant circumstanceswe should seek to be happy/joyful. A simple example is to find joy in the snow. Because whether you are joyful or not there is the same amount of snow.

I used to post often that in the crisis we are all facing here, there are three steps to aim for.
. Survive. Basically do what you can to cope
2. Live. Start living your life despite the situation
3. Thrive. I don't need to elaborate this one because you are thriving. You may say that you didn't have a choice. You dealt with the cards given to you. I disagree. Many people would not have managed to handle the situation and some would have fallen apart. So I will say what I and others have said to you before. Well done on the great way you are handlingthis.

Best wishes

[Irish M]

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas. Hope this year memories were made.

We ( me and the girls) had one of the best Christmas's in a long while. The girls were even giving GF a lot of hugs.
GF loved it. she knows its not easy for D18 and D16 and doesnt push anguishing.

no news from XW to me or to the girls. I saw someone who looks at her FB and twitter once in a while as she went through a MIDLIfe and is worried for XW. She said shes happy the dark messages of November are gone. They were close to messages of suicidal thoughts. Now its all about dumping people that aren't true friends and seeing who is really there for her. Life it too short and to get away from other peoples drama. Even quoted not my monkey .. not my circus.

I'm off for the next 12 days. Doing some small renos to make the house look top notch. I want it on the market by March. New house project on the horizon. Leaving these shadows here.

[DnJ]

Good Morning Irish

Always nice to hear an update.

I am glad you all had a good Christmas. It is great to see daughters hugging GF, lots of acceptance and healing shown in that simple act.

It sounds like you almost have the house in tip top shape. A new year, and new beginnings, are just around the corner.

Leaving the shadows behind. Well said.

DnJ

[AndrewP]

Now its all about dumping people that aren't true friends and seeing who is really there for her. Life it too short and to get away from other peoples drama.

LOL - did she and my ex-wife get the same script pages?

[job]

Happy Holidays to you and your daughters!

I am so very happy that this holiday was a really good one and the girls love your GF. I'm sure you'll have your house looking great for when the for sale sign goes up.

Wishing you and your family all of the best in the new year!

[OneLessWife]

Hows it going Irish....

[Irish M]

hi OLW
all good here . It's a New year and I have new views on life in the MLC world.
My resolution this year is to not judge my XW anymore. Really let it go. Even if she does some crazy outrageous things like she did in 2018. Just let it go.

D16 is back at school . Her first report card was in the high 80's. I guess that's B+ in the states.
D18 starts back at college end of next week. Shes looking forward to it. She finally got into the full time day program after proving herself in he late day and evening classes.

Both girls stepped up to get themselves out of the poor grades they had after their mother left. I am so proud of them both.

2019 will also be a year of adventure. So many trips planned. Ireland this summer will be our big one as well as all the kayak camping, Boston and New York. I will be 50 this summer and Ireland was always on my list to do at 50. That and Iceland. I might mix them both as Iceland is a HUB when lying to Europe.

House hunting is not going so good. The farm houses I visited were in such bad shape that I think I need to rethink the area we want to move. Or simply just build new with the old look

hope everyone else is good. happy New Year to you all. So many stories here. Some new, some old. I'm so grateful for those who help here and give great advise. For the newbies and the silent visiters. You are in good hands here.

Irish