Finding the Balance then Tipping the Scale (TWO)

[SoTorn]

Hi Adam, I have a quick question about this quote:

I said yeah, by summer? Yall can go. She said yall? Why not we? She asked what would he think if I wasn't there. I asked her how would that look if we went on a cruise and where would I be, in a different room? I said we are separating in 5 more months and I am more concerned about how he will feel once we separate and I'm not living with them. That's when I told her that I would want 50% custody and maybe we need to start thinking about legal advice on how to split things for the separation.

Why did you bring this up? Are you dead set on separating? You are coming off as bitter. Why even bring up the part about staying in different rooms? Why not say "yea that would be fun" and move on if you don't want to talk about it?

If I read correctly, you are DB'ing in hopes of recon. So my advice would be to not bring up divorce or separation unless you are wanting to talk about that with her.

I think she is probably very confused right now in what you are thinking and also with herself too.

She said she had needed this time to figure out her feelings and that she was still angry.

I want to believe her here. If she was deadset on divorce, she'd have done it by now.

She asked me if I had a girlfriend and if this was why I had this change. I told her no, I don't need to be in another relationship or see someone else to feel this way. I also said something, taking a cheapshot, about I'm not weak to look outside our marriage.

Why not just answer her question and say "No"? Everything else was just passive aggressive garbage. You wouldn't like someone talking to you like that. Do a 180 there. Catch yourself when you get agitated and nip it in the bud.

That whole convo about the cruise was unnecessary. The good thing is you have plenty of time to turn this around. But you need to purge some of those bad feelings before interacting with her.

Merry Christmas.

ovrrnbw,

So do you believe that if the WW hasnt filed yet, they are still confused? Or still deciding? My WW has done nothing. She has gotten an L, talked about moving out, asked me to move out, etc, but has done nothing, just continued on living IHS. Of course when I see her she is fine, she never acts sad etc. WWs put on a happy face to make the world think that they made the superb righteous decision. My WW has said stuff like "I am not cheating because I separated from you" and "Its not wrong what I did/am doing". It disgusts me that she can say these things.