LBS dealing with WW (part 6)

[Joe2017]

Thanks Jim, I hope you had a great Christmas! Ours was good.

Journaling:
I am questioning whether or not I can do R2. I have no reasons to trust XW and I do not know if I will ever fully trust her again enough to make this R work. She has done everything I’ve asked, but it is still early on. I have no guarantees that she is not going to just go back to being WW again at some point. I worry that it’s a ticking time bomb.

Reasons to believe XW:
She doesn’t gain anything from dating me.
Dating me is hard due to the dynamics involved.
She takes full responsibility for her A and shows remorse.
She has agreed to all of my “second chance rules”.
She told me that she wants a second chance with me because she didn’t really understand what she had in our MR.
She claims I’m everything a man should be.
She is taking measures to reconcile with my son.
She wants to take things even slower than I do to make sure our kids are OK with us dating.
She seems genuine, I think.
She does not want to hurt her son again.
She appears to really love me.

Reasons to quit R2:
I don’t trust her enough.
I am scared of getting hurt by her.
I am scared of my kid getting hurt by her.
I am scared of her kid getting hurt by her.
In the past she cheated on me to get out of our MR.
She tried using cheating to get out of the relationship she had with OM. it didn’t work, because OM is also a cheater, lol.
I have a whole lot of resentment buried inside.
I really don’t NEED to have her in my life.
Does my XW even really understand what love means?

I know I love her. I just don’t know if that’s enough. It wasn’t enough last time. How can I be sure that she won’t revert to waywarding? I can’t be sure. Well, 2019 has got to be better than 2018 was right?

I guess I just need to take it one day at a time.