GAL: 30 push-ups, 15 butterfly sit-ups (took it a bit easier because holiday) Trying to space out cardio (run / bike) to every other day—don’t want to burn myself out
One apparent benefit of butterfly sit-ups is improved back flexibility. That helps me, because I’ve had a recent history of back issues. Back in February, I threw out my back. One day, it just gave on me, and W had to take me to a local ER and I missed a week of work. I remember W making the comment to me “I wish I loved you enough to want to take care of you...” And basically, my mantra has been don’t get sick or injured since. Luckily, my back problems have largely subsided, through pain reliever (helps), physical therapy (helps more), and sleeping on my back (helps the most, as I’ve been a side-sleeper for the longest time). What has bothered me so much (among many things) through all this is that comment she made. The wedding vows ‘in sickness and in health,’ and she apparently doesn’t want to take care of me. I don’t need her to be my mother—I get that, and don’t want that. But I’ve helped her through so much over the last 8.5 years of being together—and this second pregnancy, as well as caring for her (and paying for) her dental work, especially with some of that being done while she was pregnant. I take care of her, but she can’t be bothered to do the same for me? Whether or not this is a covert contract, it seems like the least a spouse could do for his / her better half.
Adam—thanks for the encouragement, and the further advice.
The 180s?
Exercise more. Always kinda been a weak spot of mine, in every sense of the term. I’ve usually been involved in sports at various point in my life—4 years of HS track, 3 years martial arts in college, intramural sports in undergrad and grad school. I’m not the most athletically gifted (I’m not a natural), but I love to get involved and work hard, and I make the most of what I have.
I’m also working on eliminating the sarcasm. Probably results from passive-aggression and NGS. Being more direct and upfront with her will help with that. She can be very sarcastic, too, and that that was one thing that really brought us together, oddly—we have (or had?) very similar senses of humor—dark, kinda sarcastic humor.
Obviously, the other aspects of NGS mentioned above. Over-explaining (I know, R.I.P. irony with my long explanations, but I do love to talk), over-apologizing, and especially not being such a doormat.
I need to get over this, and I know it sounds like an excuse....when she asks me for something, it’s admittedly hard to say no. Perhaps I’m overplaying my role as protector and provider and doing that to ‘serve’ her. But right now it doesn’t seem like she respects me (or our wedding vows) all that much, and like Steve mentioned in an earlier post....how did all that work I did earlier fare for me? Not well. So F that. She doesn’t want it, deserve it right now.
I tried 180ing back in the spring / summer. Be more open / accessible with respect to sex? Done. Take more initiative around the house? Done. Go to her pre-natal appointments more? Done. Invest in her more emotionally? Done. Cut back on the forgetfulness, or at least manage it better? Done.
I tried to make them permanent...but I will admit that I hoped that she would notice early on. Early on in that she told me she didn’t trust me, that it would be permanent. I did my best to try to make those qualities stick. Being SuperDad or SuperHubby? Fat lot of good all this did for me. She was still unhappy.
She already got her IUD after the pregnancy—as much I as opposed, and as much as I hoped or tried to reason with her, I wasn’t going to change her mind. At the end of the day, that’s on her and her conscience, and I told her as much. But I also told her I wasn’t going to blow up our marriage over it.
We plan on breastfeeding YS for up to a year—that’s the plan. With OS, her sex drive was stil pretty healthy—but OS was lazy and she pumped for him (and we bottle-fed him breast milk), whereas YS feeds directly from Mommy. I’m not sure if that matters, but it might.
W plans on going back to work tomorrow—maybe this will do her some good. Back in the workplace, not cooped up in the house, or having a child attached to her breasts all the time. She’s going to work out more—she got in great shape before, and she wants to get back in to it, because she admitted she looked and felt great. Perhaps that will help out with her body image, overall mood, and maybe sex drive? Who knows.
One last thing: W has to go back to work, and though there is the government shutdown, she is considered ‘essential’ and must report. Question is when does she get paid. This is our second (I believe? Or maybe third?) shutdown. Eventually, Congress authorizes back-pay for federal employees, but that is AFTER the shutdown. So, in the meantime, she gets one more already-earned paycheck, and then she relies on my Catholic HS paycheck until then. One thing I’ve always thought about with respect to her threats of leaving—who’s gonna help pay your bills while you’re on your own, especially during the next shutdown? Your dad? He’s retired, and though he lives fairly well in retirement, he’s still retired. Your mom? The federal employee who’s in the same boat as you and is only a handful of years away from retiring, best-case scenario? Someone else? Who? If there is an OM, OM if he is a federal employee? LOL.
Back in February, W mentioned that the only reason she’s sticking around is economics (I know believe nothing they say). My IC said that that is a fairly common statement and sentiment. But I also have to believe that if she truly wants out, she’d just get up and go, money be da**ed. But I’ve always wondered who would support her and her lifestyle if she decided to leave, especially with government shutdowns a reality.
