Milestones of Moving On (?)

[ovrrnbw]

Hi TJT,

just wanted to check in. I hope you can find the strength to not let this person continue to have power over you. I hope you take positive steps in your life to find yourself and be yourself instead of reacting to him.

I think maybe the inlaws are too much. If you guys find yourselves together and happy, then resume that relationship with the inlaws. But they may be using you for info as much as you want it from them too. The inlaws are obviously not going to confront him about his behavior, and this usually the case from what I've seen here. That's why the advise is always to let them go and save yourself the frustration.

Try not to get caught up in the OW and your H saying this little thing or that little thing. Unfortunately, when people have relationships (and affairs have a relationship aspect) the create little sayings.

Legitimately I am so mad that friends and family just "let" him do these things. I'd like to think if I had a friend who was doing things like this, I'd be like ummm wth are you doing?

It seems the WS always find enablers, it's just moths to the flames. But this is out of your hands, so I'd work on letting go of what you can't control and focus on spending that energy positively!

I am wondering the best way to tell him that I've done it so he can sign the part he needs to sign, and also if I should say anything explaining what I've just explained to you all - that it doesn't mean I'm not still willing to work on our relationship, but that I'm not willing to stay legally tied given his behavior and the implications those things could have on me. I'm kind of hoping to create a moment that makes a statement about me starting to move in a certain direction so he knows I'm not just going to wait here forever or accept how he's making me look so stupid; that while I'm not fully 100% done, I'm starting to take steps.

I'd pay a cop to serve him, that's somewhat normal around here. Keep it business like. I wouldn't say anything like that to him either, he already knows it. You would just solidify yourself as Plan B. As for creating that "moment", I'd say it's a risky move. I'm not sure how it will play out but I'd prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

by default, not filing seems like a pursuit in itself if I put myself in his shoes. Does that make sense?

Turn it around, he didn't file right? So did you feel like he was pursuing you? I hope that answers you question.

I'm so sorry that you're at this point where you feel like you've lost control. I hope you know you can gain control over your life and your happiness no matter where this divorce goes. But it's up to you. Let go of the stuff you can't do anything about and go work towards something where you energy will reap benefits. Your H is one of those things you can't control. I hope he wakes up, for your sake, but I'd not expect it to happen either or at least not on your timeframe. Hopefully one of the vets will be by tomorrow to lend a hand as well.

Merry Christmas.