Wife is not who I married ... Pt6 pls help!

[LoneWlf]

Steve , Sia , Ovr . thanks for the positive words.

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas,

Today is Christmas day the first Christmas spent without W. It has been emotionally draining. Before Christmas I saw that S was being sad and withdrawn so I planned to go skating with him on an outdoor skating path around a park. We had some fun but he got a blister because his feet were not use to the second hand skates I got him. After that we went out to brunch and just chilled out. During our conversation he mentions to me how he feels pain going to church because he sees all the families there together especially at Christmas. I validate and agree and encourage him to to do as my friend the priest says, " take all that pressure and and pain and place them at the foot of the cross". and Ask for God to give you strength to remove negativity and anger from our hearts so that it can be once again occupied by Love.

Seeing that he was feeling down - I asked him to take a minute when he got home to think of ALL the things that he was thankful for! I had to work half day I went and picked some drinks and a veggie platter for dinner at my sisters house with all my 6 siblings and most of my nephews and nieces.

S and headed to church for mass. I was given some compliments on how well I looked and was given a lot of well wishes for the season. S and i both served at the mass. I hear a lot of beautiful about S. How he has grown into such a young gentleman in front of their eyes as he has attended church all his life. At the end of mass S will most of the time assist the elderly with their walkers in and out of our small elevator at church. As church concluded an older lady who knows my sitch and has given Zach Christmas presents in the past- approached me and wish me well . With tears in her eyes she said " Please make this the best Christmas for S and let him smile again ". I almost lost it right there. Pulling myself together - I give out hugs and greeting to my church family and head off to get my dog and food to go to my sisters for dinner.


We all sat down said our prayers and while we were eating my sister puts on an old video of Christmas over 20 years ago where I relived Christmas with my Mom / Dad and Grandma and family . As always, there was a lot of joking and joke gifts at the time the whole room was laughing hysterically - I had tears in my eyes and looked over to S and he was laughing hard also. So good to see a belly laugh from him. Had a great meal and then went to the living room where my brother played the guitar and we all sang carols.

Presents got started early this year- all the kids were allowed to open one present first. My brother got the kids all light up ugly Christmas sweaters- Pretty funny! We got them to pose around the in front of the tree( Zoolander pose) and on the spiral staircase Brady bunch style. We had desserts and stayed for a while .

When we got home S asked if he could open his presents - I said you have to wait for Santa to come while you are sleeping LOL. He said I we have no more cookies to leave out for him LOL. So I agreed - I gave him the first present. It was an ornament- Of a Dad polar bear ad 2 cubs. I nicely wrote "Dad" "s name " and my dogs name on each of the bears. On the other side I wrote 2018 together with Love . S said he liked and and hung it on the middle of the tree. He proceeded to open the rest of his gifts along with the stuffed toy and the deer antler for my dog. we played wioth the dog for a bit and then I headed up to change.

I looked on his desk to see his gratitude list. It was about a page long- I noticed his mom was not on the list. when i speak to him about this list I will encourage him to put it on. It is Christmas day now. S is still asleep and my dog is resting next to me. I am thankful for the brief moments that I was able to experience with S where I was able to witness those brief moments of Love and laughter. I am still afraid that anger and hurt are overly present in his heart. I pray that this pain soon ends for him.

Not sure what lies ahead. But my wish for all that are here is for health, happiness , prosperity and peace. May you all find what truly makes your heart dance! Blessings!!