I worry so much about you. From my perspective it seems as if your unproductive anger is robbing you of any joy in life.
Your ex is not something you can control. You cannot travel back in time to change everything that has transpired. Really sh!tty things happen in life. To everyone on different levels. Not one person I think is spared of it. It's just written in a different way in their life. What are you gaining from this anger? What have you done to ease it or stop it.
Is your son feeling your anger? I think we all have fleeing anger towards our sitches and our ex's. But is your anger fleeting or is it taking over all aspects of your life? I know sometimes we come here to vent and it's just that, a vent, then we feel better. Are you ever feeling better? What have you actively done to rid yourself of the anger rather than fuel it? because I think by the reading you have been doing, you are fueling it, rather than getting the answers you want.
Have a Merry Christmas with your Son. He's such a wonderful gift. You know it. Everyone knows it. Your ex is just self centered. It's his loss.
