A familiar story with questions EIGHT

[sandi2]

I'm glad you talked to her about the trigger. I suspect not knowing exactly where the MR stands, would cause you to be vulnerable to responses about her from other guys. I don't know if your W has tried to educate herself about how the LBH is affected and what she needs to do to help you feel safe in the MR.

I

ask "are you even really going where you say".

Wow! Well, it takes patience from both sides of the street when you are healing from an A. Next time, just tell her something happened that triggered some bad feelings and you need to talk it out.

Anyway, not keeping those feelings pent up and talking about it was the right thing. I have a couple of suggestions. One is to try to bring up the subject without sounding as if you are accusing her of something. B/c if she feels you suspect she's not being honest or is guilty of something...….she may immediately throw up the defensive walls. If she is trying to be good and do the right thing...….then accusatory words could be a trigger for her, too. Know what I mean? Although you have a right to your feelings, she needs encouragement too......if she is, indeed, choosing to do the right thing.

The second suggestion I have is to stick to one subject when you have these types of interaction. In other words, don't bring up the subject of sex, when you've been discussing something else. I think it's best to have a shorter conversation about one topic at a time, rather than going into several additional subjects. Make sense?