Thanks for welcoming me, everyone! Definitely going to be a much different feel over here than in the newcomer forum.
KML, you're right that I definitely dodged a bullet. Doesn't make it any easier though, especially as I considered myself picky and waited until 32 to find what I considered my soulmate. Looking back, I think I can honestly say based on the evidence I had, she was the perfect match. It wasn't really until after our engagement that I realized her family was so important to her (meaning more than I ever would be). Honestly all of my friends and family loved her and thought she was great. But being a conflict avoider, it became clear after the fact that she was putting on a front just so everyone would like her. Wish there were obvious red flags, but she had everyone tricked.
I am no longer on social media, and honestly at this point, I don't care to know what is going on in her life. Part of that is because I don't want to see her with another guy, which I'm sure is now in the public that the divorce went through. I don't ever think I will hear from her again, but who knows. Just focused on myself and my own happiness. As far as doing the hard work, I have spent 11 months learning about myself and looking in the mirror. I can take responsibility for my issues (victim mentality from when I was depressed, learning how to deal with conlict while not being as critical and honestly easing up on my focus to want to save money for the future). Overall not major things in general, but major things to my Ex. I have also been reading up on how to better validate feelings and be more of an encourager, things that I didn't learn from my father.
I have a good buddy at church that is going through a separation with his wife. Glad to be a part of his life to walk him through the difficult times, and it feels good to be able to pay it forward, especially coming from a position of knowing what he is going through.
Question for the pros: I haven't reached out to my in-laws or my wife since the D. Thought about it, but at this point, I think I just need to put my focus elsewhere. Really, I don't think there is anything else to be said. She knows where I stood and that I was against the D, so in my mind, reaching out just makes me look weak. I have chosen to forgive her, and as much as I want her to know this, knowing in my heart that I have extended forgiveness her way should be enough.
Many thoughts to you all, and I hope everyone has a wondering Christmas with loved ones!
