I recommend you use a shared electronic calendar for the purpose of planning D4's activities, which parent has her when, etc. That should cut out a lot of unnecessary back & forth chit chat. She will probably not like it, b/c she uses D4 as her ticket to contact you, but you can tell her to put it on the calendar.
Stay strong. When she sees you aren't going to fall into your old ways, hopefully she'll stop with some of this stuff.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
