GAL: A couple of errands, and out for coffee, but before that a 20-minute run, 30 push-ups, and tried the butterfly sit-ups that A/S suggested (THAT was probably a hot mess, but I’m intrigued by it, and will try to continue it). It’s probably still too early to notice any changes, but I’m feeling stronger with the push-ups, and if I look in the mirror right, I see some definition in my arms and chest / abdomen, maybe? I think what helps is carrying around a 12-14 sack of potatoes that is YS—helps with strength training, I guess.
I would say that dinner tonight was a relative success.
Though before we left I thought ‘oh, no’ because W said she couldn’t find her black shoes, and I asked her which ones and she got a bit of an attitude with me “C’mon [Bo]...” Internally, I rolled my eyes and braced for the struggle all evening.
Honestly, we had pretty decent conversations on the way down, and during dinner. She looked great—I know in prior posts I talked about how I’m not all that into her, but she looked amazing. Did her hair, low-cut blue dress she wore for a wedding some time ago, different bra (NOT her nursing bra). She’s naturally well-endowed, so it’s hard not to look, and to want. We split sushi, got drinks, she ordered dessert (I had a couple bites but let her eat the rest).
For me, a personal small victory was NOT asking her how she liked the place (she volunteered on her own that it was pretty good), or thanking her for coming with me, or verbally saying ‘Happy Anniversary’ (I hand-wrote a short message in the card, and it seemed pretty obvious), or complimenting her on her looks. NONE of that.
We also exchanged gifts—she gave me mine, a thoughtful, practical gift. She can be really good at that. And I gave her hers—did a bit of explanation (NGS, I’m sure), but I heard from her a ‘thank you, baby’ in a purr that I have NOT heard in quite some time. I know, believe nothing they say.
Ride back and walk-up she was not a great conversationalist, and I had to keep telling myself to STFU and not force it and learn to live with the silence. (The cynic within me asks why should I be surprised—of course the woman’s great until after you pay the bill.) I’m a mild extrovert and am used to talking and conversation, and for me, silence is death in my classes (unless I really really want the silence from them). On the way back I made a few comments every now and then, but then I just had to learn to accept the silence. Don’t force things. And maybe the silence means that something is going on within her.
But hey, at least no R talk, and no BD (praise God!), so I’ll take my successes where I can get them. I know no expectations, but I was at least hoping not to get the R talk or a BD. In that sense, mission accomplished.
On the way back, W needed to stop for a restroom break, so we pulled into a Starbucks. While I waited for her, and she got us coffee, my thoughts turned sad.
Tonight, like every now and then, I see the woman that I fell in love with and married. At our best, we partner well, work together well, get along well, she looked great. Where has this woman gone? Thinking about it now still makes me sad and on the verge of tearing up.
But then I realize that everything and nothing has changed. Everything about her has changed, and nothing has changed with my sitch (for better or worse).
