Seeing some rays of light (pain18 DB IX)

[ovrrnbw]

she was upset at how I can do that first and not forgive WW

She's not asking for forgiveness. But the longer you go without forgiving her, the more you are holding on. It shows that you want her to help heal you, to make you feel better. But this is attachment. Find your own healing and detach your happiness from her, and do it for your own sake.

It's huge. I have recently fully forgiven myself for my contribution and it has allowed me to further learn, heal, and grow from this.

So forgive her too so that you can live your life.

However remembering is necessary for pause and self love. It is the new boundaries that we set that helps us to release our feelings, insecurity and makes us strong. The need to forgive is weak.

The boundary exists to protect yourself. It means you aren't letting her hurt you anymore, you are proactively preventing that from happening.

Again, I have no reason to forgive WW right now. None. I need to see remorse on her end to even consider it.

You may never get this. I may never get this. You and I forgive so that we can live happy. Seriously, my father resents every woman that has divorced him. He is old and bitter. Do you want to be like that?

V, I really loved this post

You don't need the Karma bus to run her over and to be in the driving seat. Be Meh about it all. If WW steps over your boundary then you enforce it and walk away and that is clear because you are strong. That can never be the same. You can observe but not absorb.

So many LBS's want the WS to "right the wrongs" and it's all about ending their pain. But that pain is tied to their attachment to the WS and the LBS allowing the WS to continue to hurt them. Boundaries really do take a while to figure out for us LBS who are hurt and wanting to believe.

Good luck Pain!!!!