I’ll look into the butterfly sit-ups and try them out and put them in the rotation. Considering push-ups and sit-ups have not been an area of strength (literally and figuratively) for me in the past, might as well try. And yes, doing something is better than nothing, at least in this respect.
Even though it looks otherwise, I feel like I’ve been trying my best in pulling back and giving her time and space. This is our first outing together since late August. We eat dinner as a family most nights, and we have family outings, but her and I have had very little one-on-one time together for a while. What I’m especially dreading the most is that we have spent so little time together than it doesn’t feel like we know how to talk to each other right now—just awkward. I’ve been leaving her the h*** alone.
We were supposed to go out back in mid-October—the very night when we had that chat about how she was still unhappy and floated the idea of a ‘break’ or S. Instead, that night, she wanted to order-in or get take-out or something, and then we talked and I then felt like s***. I’ve been waiting for her to say that her mom would take the boys to her place and then we’d have the night alone at our place—with the expectation that she can do something like that again. At least the MIL taking the boys part isn’t happening this time around (instead she’s coming here to watch them). Most nights, especially the last month or so, I’ve been up late grading (being out 3.5 weeks for paternity leave hampered my progress grading—so I was playing a semester-long game of catch-up). Last night? I was up late reading out on the couch in the living room while she fed YS, put him to bed, and then showered.
Tomorrow, she is giving me a gift and she doesn’t even know it. Her, her mom, and the boys will be going to the park for a hike. Me? GAL. Exercise, walk to the library and read, walk to the coffee shop and get some coffee, run a couple of errands. I have some Christmas $, and I’ll plan on getting some books: No More Mr. Nice Guy, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***, and The Art of Seduction (I know I’m a ways off from needing that one, but might as well start reading it now to implement these things over time).
But yes, you’re right—NO MORE DATES. At least not anytime soon, for that matter. It was probably a Catch-22: plan something and take the initiative? PURSUING, LEAVE ME ALONE. Don’t plan something? OMG ARE WE GOING OUT FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY DON’T YOU CARE?!?!?!? Earlier tonight she asked the name of the place where we’re going, and where it is. So, who knows.
She really doesn’t know what the h*** she wants, really.
In the event that I get the R talk, I’ll do my best to validate, and I’ll consult the cheat-sheet. My favorites have been “that’s unfortunate,” and “I’m sorry to hear that.” But yeah, gonna need more here. I already tried the typical WAS playbook back in February—that got me NOWHERE, and I don’t plan on doing it again. Operate from a position of strength—be strong, not needy. I also know (and am grateful) that my sitch is not nearly as dire as others’, but I also know that that could change at any time.
The posting about sex? It’s what it is, and just where I’m at right now—I’m not gonna go all beta or NGS and apologize. It’s weird—normally I’m not as vocal about sex, and W mentioned in the past how unhappy it made her that I wouldn’t always talk about it, or desire it or her as much as she wanted. Last time W and I had sex was about a month-and-a-half ago, so I know—it could be worse, and I only got that because we went to a birthday party for one of her coworkers and she got totally hammered, and I just wore her down about it.
I guess for me, this could be part of the 180. It helps that in this forum I can journal, get feedback, and talk with (mostly) other men who are or have been in something close to my sitch. I think also working out more gets the sexual energy flowing, but also for me just looking around and seeing all the really attractive, lovely women around me gives me hope for the future and awakens within me the desire for something more. I’m just not really into the W right now—if she asks for sex, sure, but even I know it won’t bring her back around and make everything good. I’m not that naive.
But you are correct—I can live without it for now and the immediate future. I mean, I’ve done it before—periodic abstinence for when we practiced NFP, and W and I were both virgins when we married (explains so much I know). Patience, discipline, and control over myself, my body and my needs will serve me well no matter what—they have brought me rather far in life so far, and are good values to live by as a Catholic, but honestly no matter what your belief system is. I’m sure prayer can help, too—I can’t totally pray it away, but I hope it will help. Work all the angles I can.
I can put this energy to use for the boys, for my work, and for making myself AMOAFWL.
