After reading much on the MLC forum, I think it’s time I spent more of my energy here. I realize I have been in this for a long time, much longer than when I arrived here, and all the signs are of a H in a MLC. I believe it’s a lot more than MLC, going much, much deeper over decades of H feeling lonely within himself, abandoned, and unable to develop a strong emotional attachment to me, his kids, or his friends. He seemed to develop emotional attachments to his affair partners – two in the last 8 years especially. Well, at least HE thought they were strong attachments. As soon as he was caught, though, he went immediately NC. I find this interesting. If they were his soul mates, how could he so easily go NC, unless in some part of him deep down he wishes he could truly repair our M and be happy with me Maybe that’s what he would like to do, but doesn’t think it’s possible given our lack of connection for much of our 27 years together. We are good friends, but he wants that strong, intense bond. Well, maybe we’d have it if he didn’t give so much of his energy to other women. *sigh* I sound bitter, but I’m not. Just a little pi**ed at the situation
So, I am coming to the close of month 3 of H out of the house. He will spend Christmas Eve overnight to Christmas day at the house. I don’t plan to ask about what he will do in month 4, and won’t initiate any R talks.
I’m in this for the long haul, I know, unless I get sick of waiting and decide I choose a life without H. Not there yet, though.
