Yes, his father's death and turning 40 where the triggers. Unfortunately once those triggers take place, he will have to go through the entire crisis in order to come out the other side. Suddenly with the death of someone they love or knew and the age creeping up, it's mortality hitting them in the face. They are scared and realize that maybe they need to revisit the past because they think that there is something there that they didn't experience. Unfortunately, it's childhood issues that need to be resolved and the only way to do that is to return back to that time where they were emotionally stunted. Your h is going back in time and I would venture to guess he's going to act like a teenager very soon and not give a fig about money or the consequences of his actions.
So, what do you do? First, keep a very close eye on your finances and your bank and credit card accounts. Set up a new account and move some of the money over to it so that you have funds in case he goes nuts after the holidays on the spending. Second, keep your focus on you and finally the third suggestion...try to enjoy the holidays with your family and friends. It's not your job to explain why he's being such a scrooge. You can't fix him because you didn't break him.
Keep the focus on you and if he doesn't want to participate in any of the activities this holiday season...no sweat! Leave him home and go out there and participate on your own. Fake it until you make it!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
