IMO, counseling is of no benefit now. Unless he is inboard or even open to it, it will not have any chance of working, or v little chance. In your shoes I would drop it. Don't mention it again and if H brings it up tell him you have changed your mind about it. But you could see someone on your own if you think it could help.
I'd like to add to the others that M counseling is useless unless your H is on-board to really work on the M. We went 6 months and my H never got out of what he calls the "mine field" - do I have it in me to work on the M?....Is status quo best for now? .....Can I give her what she needs?......" He STILL says the same things, at least last month he did when I asked him if he plans on renewing his apartment (he did).
Originally Posted by roist
I would just add that before you start your journey be clear about your motivation. Many LBS have a knee jerk reaction to save the M just because they realize they are about to lose it. Understandable but you need to explore the question deeper to be clear why you want to stand.
Again, I wasted MONTHS (maybe years) on giving H every accommodation with no boundaries in my desperation to keep him. Until about 2 months before I asked him to move out. At that time I realized I want to be happy with or without H, and my GAL activities pulled me out of my pit. My goal is now clear. Become a happy, fulfilled ME, and let H be to figure out if he wants to be happy and how he plans to do that. If he ultimately decides he wants to try to R, I may already be done. Who knows?
Originally Posted by roist
Lastly I remind you that you have time. Do not rush in on your white horse in metal armour to save your M. Sometimes doing nothing is the best action.
I have family members and a few friends wondering "how long I'll let this go on? At some point I'll need to make a decision." I politely inform them that I'm in no rush because I'm not interested in dating or replacing H. I'm o.k. with the way things are (because I'm developing a happy life for MYSELF). H may come along for the ride down the road, but I've already started my wonderful journey, and navigating all the bumps in the road the best I can.
