Here's what I think. This isn't the candy-coated empathetic version, either. No time for that right now.
Your H is an immature f**khead who thinks that the rules of society don't apply to him. His parents are SUSPECT because unless he's adopted, let's assume there's something about THEM that resulted in him being the way he is. Sounds to me like whatever "advice" you got from them is cold comfort. And honestly, if the man's own parents look at him and go "I dunno WTF is wrong with him" then that's a bad, bad sign. As for OW's stepdad, let's go ahead and assume that he's a useless piece of trash.
What's the lesson to be learned here? Why do the DB pros preach detachment? Time to put the in-laws in the back of the fridge. They'll be there when things improve, but for now they're just salt in the wound.
YOU are a motherf**king bad@ss who is holding her life together under the most extreme circumstances. Right now you're coping with what many consider to be one of the most extremely stressful life events that can ever befall a human being. And you appear to be holding it together well enough to survive. Aren't you proud of yourself?
Obviously I'm not the right person to ask "should I file for D" but you don't sound like it's what you want. Is it what you SHOULD want? Not for me to decide.
What you SHOULD want, in my not-so-humble opinion, is to figure out why a guy like this still has your heart in his slimy hands. Not your H, but this sleazeball who looks just like him on the outside.
Why doesn't bad@ss TJT realize that she deserves something much better than that? Why isn't bad@ss TJT angry yet? What fear is it that makes bad@ss TJT feel stuck in this cruddy situation?
OK, now some empathy. Life just took a huge dump on you. If anyone can even begin to imagine how awful you must feel right now, it's the people here. But that doesn't make it any easier. Is there something you can do tonight to soothe yourself? Do you like filet-o-fish sandwiches and sprite? Or ice cream straight out of the tub?
It is SUPER DUPER FREAKING HARD as is anything worthwhile in life. Would you be here otherwise? Consider how a "normal" person would have handled this, and then consider what it says about YOU that you're here trying to do the RIGHT thing for a person who is doing what that man is doing. (Believe me, I have to do the same kind of soul-searching and it's not easy.)
Maybe someone will come sweep you off your feet. Maybe that person will have gone through a similar ordeal. Maybe they'll know the worth of someone like you. I can tell you that I've been on the lookout for grocery carts with dog food and beer. So far nothing, but I doubt you live anywhere near me. I don't mean anything by that except THERE IS SOMEONE FOR YOU out there who will think you are a bad@ss lady and they WILL sweep you off your feet because they'll see the good in you and it will be impossible for them not to.
When? Not today. Tomorrow? Maybe. That's as far as you need to think about for now.
Originally Posted by TJT
And it makes me burst into tears why I can't FEEL that way. Who am I and why am I putting myself through this?!
Give it time. Emotions take much longer to catch up with reality. Don't blame yourself. Be compassionate with yourself. For tonight...treat yo'self.
Last edited by burned; 12/21/1801:03 AM.
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
