Milestones of Moving On (?)

[TJT]

Okay so I have to run to an errand right now but here's what happened in a nutshell at my IL's. This all just came out, I didn't ask anything and to be honest once my MIL started talking I felt like I needed to know these things so I didn't stop her...

1) Found out H brought OW over to their place for Thanksgiving! MIL didn't know this would happen. Her and H have been butting heads for a while so my H isn't being so forthcoming with her (also he knows his mom isn't happy about the whole sitch anyway). Apparently she took him aside and they talked some things out but she was just like "thanks for the heads up on this girl" and he was just like "it is what it is".

2) MIL stated how OW obviously seems like a teenager. "Feisty" and "flirty" is what she said, and that she can't really "figure her out".

3) MIL stated she isn't sure if it's going to last. Also verified that my H seems to have done this kind of thing in the past with other girlfriends or even to some extent with his XW. MIL is kind of all over the place when she talks so it's hard to get specifics, but apparently she did say that my H also talked to his FIL and admitted to him about the A and that he had OW at our house and that he will "regret it for the rest of his life". I don't know if this means he will regret having her at the house (the whole "you're only sorry you got caught" kind of thing), or if he actually regrets the affair...my theory is the former, becauuuuseee *drumroll*

4) MIL confirmed that they have now moved in together. My H's friend rented out his house to him and then his friend is now staying at an apartment! Like, man, I hope my friends are that ride or die for me. Do you see what I mean when I say H surrounds himself with people who he manages to just "get by" one way or another, no matter what shotty situation he gets himself into?? This being said I don't know if his friend knows about OW or that she's moved in, but I have to think he does and even if not, still. This dude JUST bought that house and I doubt he's getting a profit off of my H in renting it. I don't know if there's a time limit he's given him to stay, or what.

5) This raises so many more questions for me now, obviously. And validates other fears, too. WTF is going on in H's son's head? WTF is going on with this girl moving in with a grown man who has a teenage child?? HOW IS THIS WORKING? WHY IS IT WORKING?!

6) MIL confirmed he did go hunting... with OW's stepdad and her. Apparently her stepdad loves him. MORE WTF.

Nobody still knows what's going on with filing. They are not sure if OW knows that he really isn't divorced or what story is being told there. My IL's parents who have been living with them for some time have both expressed they don't approve of this whole thing since we are still married. I get the impression they do want us to make it work, but of course I don't know how much will ever be said to my H about their thoughts on this. My MIL did confirm to me also that my FIL (who was not there today unfortunately, I really did want to see him) said he absolutely does not think we should D and that my H should be with OW. But like, again, what is anyone gonna do?

I am so frustrated and upset, and my MIL did sort of allude to whether she wonders if someone will start talking in my H's ear about divorce and giving him ideas outside of what me and H agreed on back when allll this started to come up (which was him keeping his stuff and me keeping mine, and me taking the house after he realized he didn't want it and would be fine signing it over to me). I don't think H would just be like "oh yeah great idea let me start a D battle" but now I am just scared and once again wondering if I should just file for the legal protections and to get it over with before anyone starts a S-storm.

But definitely wholeheartedly, despite everything I heard today and after talking with my MIL, I still have hope that they will get further and further down this path and it will blow up and maybe he will come back, so emotionally I'm still not to like the point of "I MUST D" but it's SUPER DUPER FREAKING HARD hearing everything about how he's literally living his life just like it's all normal and almost just like when he met me. MIL even said OW favors me a lot in looks.

I have a related fear that I am never going to get over my H unless someone else comes and sweeps ME off my feet, which I don't want that to be the case. I want to be over my H and then meet someone new so that person never has to question. But also I would totally love someone who understands what I'm going through and who could basically assure me that I'm not crazy and I deserve better and who is willing to BE better.

So I am in a whirlwind of thoughts right now. I need you guys and your thoughts. I know a lot of things I shouldn't do that I'm thinking of doing, and that probably the best reaction is going to be the same darn thing - NOTHING. But dear god how badly I want to send her all the letters he ever wrote me, show up at their house and have a come to jesus with everyone, write him a love letter telling him I'm still here for him even though he's being an idiot and when crap gets rough he'll know who he can really rely on... all the STUPIDEST ideas in the world. But the sad part is now when I'm starting to think those thoughts, I've also started to think, FINE! If it ruins my DBing, so what! I need SOMETHING to happen, I can't just let all this go, right?!

Yes I KNOW I need to let it all go. I know I have to. I know most of that stuff will not help even though I do fantasize that maybe I'll catch him at a weak point in sending a soft reminder of my love and commitment for him to where at least maybe it will put some doubt in his mind and plant a seed.

Basically guys I need your help right now. I need your advice and reassurance on how to handle all of what I've just learned and all of my thoughts and what to do next.

Also I leave for a quick trip with my dad tomorrow AM which I guess might be great timing but with all the anxiety that's come back up now I just feel more anxious in having to take the dog somewhere and go sleep somewhere else but my own safe home and bed for a few nights. I feel like I'm half hyperventilating, like not quite freaking out but taking very shallow breaths and scatterbrained.

WHY!!!