Don't get her anything, and don't give her a note. Both would be the worst kind of pursuit behavior and I think you know by now that pursuit is getting you nowhere.
Originally Posted by Ready2Change
]I don't think he knows. Why is he asking if he knows?
I did not know. I went back and forth for days on this topic in my mind for days and needed some objective perspective. To have it pointed out is something I still need. I ask because I want to reduce the amount of mistakes I make. So far, using the feedback I have obtained has helped me continue to make progress.
Quote
My heart sunk when I stumbled upon a post that said that 90% of the folks who post here end up getting divorced.
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
I've been here a long time and I'd say that number is probably more like 50% to 75%. But here's something the numbers don't tell you. DB'ing is about fighting for your M by not fighting. By focusing on yourself and giving your spouse time and space. Well guess what happens if you DB properly? Eventually you find your balls again and realize you have a lot of value as a person and you don't need to put up with crappy behavior from a crappy excuse for a wife. Eventually you realize that beautiful, loving, tender, caring woman you married has been abducted and you're trying to recon with some hateful, angry, vengeful, remorseless, adulterous creature inhabiting her old shell. Most LBS's end up getting an opportunity to recon, but it comes so far down the road that they've moved on to the point that they no longer want that person in their life. LBS's all come here thinking they are powerless, but they are in fact masters of their own destiny, even eventually making the final decision to recon or not. They just don't know it yet.
And I'm starting to feel both the effects DBing is having on me in my life as well as how it is affecting my relationships with everyone else. Detaching during this process has been incredibly difficult.
I don't think there is a wrong way of DBing (is there, other than not doing it at all?). It just takes some people longer to make tangible progress.
Quote
The other 10% were just fortunate that things somehow started to work out.
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
BS. The ones that recon (and it is way more than 10%) are mostly model DBers that have put in a TON of work. And then once they recon they continue to work their tails off. It's not just luck that gets them there, and it sure as hell isn't coming to the DB boards and ignoring all advice while doing all the wrong things because they think their sitch is different or they know better.
It feels like a ton of work. And before I would shy away from it because the amount of effort it would take to have a chance. Now, I still have the same chances, but it's a lot better than not doing anything at all.
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Hope is yours for as long as you want it. Hope is what drives us to do amazing things in life. ALWAYS have hope.
