I would not entertain a conversation if she was still with OM. Nope. if she needs to find closure, she can go on her own path and it doesn't have to come at the cost of emotionally burdening you. If she has final things to say, she can write a letter. You had to find closure on your own, and she has to do the same.
Counting headshots D! Neither you nor OM can help her solve her sitch. You know that, maybe she doesn’t. She must find the answer for herself. Don’t waste a future promising talk now. Get away, go for your GAL. Her loss. Read it as a hard temp check (it is this indeed) and keep walking. No need to answer that. Some validation?...it’s up to you. You are wonderfully detached so as to waste the effort you have done.
Stay strong there Bro! Only feed your monkeys. Keep DB Davide!
I was literally laughing out loud in the car after having glanced at some of the comments. I love you guys (and gals) so much. I knew I could count on some good smacks upside the head, and y'all came through in a serious way.
It is so interesting how blind we can become at times in our own sitch. I probably would have chimed in with the same 2x4s in another person's sitch. I suppose it is progress that I can at least recognize my own blind spots. Known unknowns and all that. I guess that I always thought of temp checks as being more overtly manipulative, whereas I saw this as simply blindly self-serving. Perhaps that is a distinction without much meaning.
I am nothing if not a diligent DBer so I will simply let that conversation lie for the time being. I am sure that if/when we meet again to discuss finances she will bring it up again.
I was actually on my way out the door to a second date when I wrote here. She is a banker and had to push back our 1:15 lunch date to 2:30, then suddenly got called into another meeting at 3:15. So it wasn't much of a date as she left a half-eaten plate of food after 45 minutes. She also has two kids, so free time to date doesn't seem to be there. It's a shame because I think we share a lot of the same values. I am going out to dinner with a good friend from out of town tonight. Then I have another mid-day coffee date tomorrow with another lady, followed by an 11 hour drive on Saturday to visit family and friends for the holidays. So my GAL is going great.
I just need to brush this off and refocus my energies where they need to go. Live and learn, live and learn.
Thanks for the timely intervention, all!
Neffer,
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Quote
You are wonderfully detached so as to waste the effort you have done.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Yep, nothing to talk about, she is with OM. My WW is with OM, but not living. IHS with me yay lol. Hard to detach but I am going to focus on it a helluva lot more.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
Enjoy your vacay Davide, if she has unfinished business she will bring this up again She is so full of herself, she is just checking to make sure if she still can string you along. Maybe she is realizing OM is not the Demi god she thought he was, hmm who would have guessed that?
I completed an 11 hour drive a few days ago and am spending time with my parents over the holidays. It is a tough time of year because of all the memories associated with it, bu I am not dwelling on that. Traveling throws off my routine and I tend to eat poorly, sleep different hours, and get much less exercise than at home. It leaves me feeling off. The cold up here doesn't help much either! My brother and his husband will get in this afternoon and tomorrow we will see the large extended family which will be nice. I am not particularly close with most of them, but it will still be good to be surrounded by lots of family.
Dating is awkward during this time. Before I left last week I made a push to get out and see as many people as possible and ended up getting 5 dates in 7 days with 4 different people. Only one of the dates was a total dud, but none of the other ones had an instantaneous click either. Searching online can be depressing as well as there are so few interesting profiles, and only the slimmest margin of those ones even respond. It just feels like a long, long journey to building anything meaningful.
I had another set of text messages from the doctor who stopped seeing me a few weeks ago. I had gone two weeks without responding to any of her messages. This time I let her know that I liked her and felt like we connected but respected her decision. I also let her know that I didn't think a platonic friendship would work because I am looking for someone who wants to be with me. I was happy with how I handled it in terms of drawing my boundary and sticking to it rather than giving in to her desire to be friends. I feel tempted to hang out with her because I did enjoy her company and feel a connection, but I know it isn't healthy to reside in the friend zone.
Finally, I just want to thank everyone on here who has offered support, sage advice, and the occasional 2x4! I am where I am today thanks in large part to this community. May the holidays and the coming year bring all of you much joy and happiness and progress on your DB journey (wherever it may be!)
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
