I have been thinking of what to get W for Christmas, if I do get her anything. I was thinking of giving her some cash along with a note along the lines of not forcing love and setting her free and whatnot. But I go back and forth.
Don't get her anything, and don't give her a note. Both would be the worst kind of pursuit behavior and I think you know by now that pursuit is getting you nowhere.
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My heart sunk when I stumbled upon a post that said that 90% of the folks who post here end up getting divorced.
I've been here a long time and I'd say that number is probably more like 50% to 75%. But here's something the numbers don't tell you. DB'ing is about fighting for your M by not fighting. By focusing on yourself and giving your spouse time and space. Well guess what happens if you DB properly? Eventually you find your balls again and realize you have a lot of value as a person and you don't need to put up with crappy behavior from a crappy excuse for a wife. Eventually you realize that beautiful, loving, tender, caring woman you married has been abducted and you're trying to recon with some hateful, angry, vengeful, remorseless, adulterous creature inhabiting her old shell. Most LBS's end up getting an opportunity to recon, but it comes so far down the road that they've moved on to the point that they no longer want that person in their life. LBS's all come here thinking they are powerless, but they are in fact masters of their own destiny, even eventually making the final decision to recon or not. They just don't know it yet.
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The other 10% were just fortunate that things somehow started to work out.
BS. The ones that recon (and it is way more than 10%) are mostly model DBers that have put in a TON of work. And then once they recon they continue to work their tails off. It's not just luck that gets them there, and it sure as hell isn't coming to the DB boards and ignoring all advice while doing all the wrong things because they think their sitch is different or they know better.
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Is it still considered being attached if I still hold on to hope? Or do I need to let go of that as well?
Hope is yours for as long as you want it. Hope is what drives us to do amazing things in life. ALWAYS have hope.
