Dealing with a WW Pt3

[SoTorn]

Still working on catching up, but...

I mean that the choice to do what she did was hers. Her choice to have an affair.

Yes, I understand THAT was her choice.

I tell her that "I need to get away from her because I want to get on with my life and I cant tolerate her continued disrespect "

But this is YOUR choice. It isnt something that you 'need' to do...it's something that you are choosing to do.

To me, words have a lot of power. And the words you are presenting here suggest to me that this is her agency....that the fallout of everything was her choice. That her affair has caused all of this. To me, that puts too much blame to her. My opinion is that you should be focusing on your boundaries when talking with her....rather than lashing out and sneding blame, focus on what you will accept. "I am moving out because I do not want to live with someone that doesnt respect me". Thats a lot more valuable/powerful than "Im moving out because you cant keep your legs closed". That puts YOUR actions and choices onto HER.

Maybe Im arguing semantics, but it feels like a mindset issue for you. Like you are so focused on blaming her or punishing her or whatever. And thats how it comes across in your actions. I would say it's completely up to you if you would be open to R or whatever in the future. But your basis for making those choices should be based on you and your beliefs and not on what she will do or has done.

I feel like Im explaining this poorly. But....in short....keep your focus on YOU.

No you are right. I noticed that I got a negative reaction when I say stuff like "I need to get away". That was said out of emotion. Actually I said "I can't wait to get the f*** away from you". It stunned her actually. WW was already mad though.

I have actually been focusing on saying just that "I cannot be with someone that disrespects me". WW keeps saying she wants to move now, so I am going to actually just take a step back and see if she does. S11 and D16 are adamant that they want me to stay at the house and her to leave if someone is moving.

I forgot to add that S11 told me that WW confronted him yesterday. WW asked S11 if he was upset with her and he said yes. WW went on to tell him that she just didn't want to be with me anymore because I was a horrible person. S11 said he spoke up and told her that I am a good person now and a good dad and he knows that. WW got mad at S11 and told him that I did "horrible" things when he wasnt around. S11 knows who I am. I am not worried.

When WW gets mad she starts tossing out threats, like saying she is going to tell her attorney I am trying to get the kids to hate her. I am not. The kids know the truth. That is all that matters. WW said that again (yesterday she was in a bad mood, so was I)

WW believes in her mind that S11 and D16 arent old enough to form their own opinion on her actions and behavior. I told WW that both children told me they would be happy to speak to her L, my L and any judge or court persons to explain to them my behavior now, her behavior now and their opinions on it.