I mean that the choice to do what she did was hers. Her choice to have an affair.
Yes, I understand THAT was her choice.
Originally Posted by SoTorn
I tell her that "I need to get away from her because I want to get on with my life and I cant tolerate her continued disrespect "
But this is YOUR choice. It isnt something that you 'need' to do...it's something that you are choosing to do.
To me, words have a lot of power. And the words you are presenting here suggest to me that this is her agency....that the fallout of everything was her choice. That her affair has caused all of this. To me, that puts too much blame to her. My opinion is that you should be focusing on your boundaries when talking with her....rather than lashing out and sneding blame, focus on what you will accept. "I am moving out because I do not want to live with someone that doesnt respect me". Thats a lot more valuable/powerful than "Im moving out because you cant keep your legs closed". That puts YOUR actions and choices onto HER.
Maybe Im arguing semantics, but it feels like a mindset issue for you. Like you are so focused on blaming her or punishing her or whatever. And thats how it comes across in your actions. I would say it's completely up to you if you would be open to R or whatever in the future. But your basis for making those choices should be based on you and your beliefs and not on what she will do or has done.
I feel like Im explaining this poorly. But....in short....keep your focus on YOU.
