You have to learn to treat him like a roommate. Ignore his behavior and continue as you have been. When he sees that his behavior is not bothering you, he may change it up. As for family, I would let them see him and his behavior for themselves. Do not apologize for his behavior, but you can explain a bit of it to them after they have experienced it. He may "put on an act" for those who are there for the holidays, but there's nothing you can do to change him at this point.
Be yourself, try to enjoy the holidays and do things for yourself and your family. You can ask him to join in, but if he doesn't, then so be it...it's his loss. Try to keep the focus on you and your kids. Leave him to sulk in his little world.
I am going to suggest that you do a search on the name HaWho and read her threads. Her h acted quite a bit like yours and he was living in the home until last year. I am posting the link to her last thread. Her previous links will be at the top of each new thread.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
