Women are attracted to men with ambition. They are attracted to successful men. In our world, success usually equals financial security. Financial security is very attractive to women, b/c one of our basic needs is security. If we have a H, we are going to look to him to bring it. It's our nature. Even if we work, we still expect him to work, too.
Sandi2, came across your quotes on this forum and one thing that specifically caught my attention is above. Have a few questions that I need answers to -
1) Is this above quote true for every woman?
Well times have changed a lot of things and there might be one female out there that says she is attracted to a lazy man who doesn't have enough drive to get out of bed and go work to provide for his family...…...but I kind of doubt it.
In the animal kingdom, the females and males looks for certain qualities in a potential mates. I think it's true with humans, too. It may go back to the female being the weaker vessel and historically she depended on the male to do the harder more physical demanding work. She had to have someone to provide and protect her family while she was birthing and nursing the babies. Therefore, in order to chose the best mate who could fit the bill.....she is naturally attracted to certain traits in the male.
As I previously stated, women are attracted to successful men, b/c we usually equate success with financial security. I'm just saying that it is a natural attraction to how she sees him. Having security means a lot to women. However, that's not to say she can't fall in love with some guy in high school, get married, and raise a family while they both hold down full time jobs until the day they retire. The point I'm making is that the H is not lazy. We don't normally associate laziness with success or even a paycheck. She's not going to be attracted to the guy who is laying around the house, finding some excuse for not being able to find the right job for him, or some other b.s. while she is working to support the family. That's when you'll see the W's respect start fading real quick. Sure, it's wonderful to have a H who is pulling in the big bucks, but the main thing she needs to see is his feet hitting the floor every morning, going to a paying job. He may be blue collar or white collar...…..but he's doing all that he can. If he can get a higher paying job, that's great......but the point is to work at something. Healthy men should not sit home while the W supports the family.
I think it takes a level of maturity to be able to handle a situation where the W's salary is considerably higher than her H's. Maturity on both sides. Sometimes the man has an ego problem, and sometimes the woman has a lack of respect. Actually, I don't know that the main issue boils down to the dollar amount, as much as it is about the job title/position. How do their peers see them, knowing she's making a lot more than her H? For instance, say he has been working at the same factory, doing the same boring job for twenty years and it's pretty clear there's nowhere to advance...…...and if his W has some glamorous career where she is flying all over the world and attending high society parties...…...do you see what I mean? If either the H or W feels that she has outgrown him.........it could easily become a point of conflict. Here's the cold, blunt truth. Women need to feel admiration for their H. The W needs to "look up" at her H. If she begins to see herself elevated above him (as in earning more money, social status, importance, etc)...….there's going to be trouble.
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2) This is a very commonplace issue when the WAW earns more than the LBS. If this was the problem (Reason for WAW to leave) during the marriage, how can it be overcome later on? Even if you learn your mistakes and start working on it, being successful may take years or decades. what is your suggestion on how the LBS can overcome this?
How can it be overcome later..........you mean with the same W? Like I said, I think there is usually more to the story than just differences in their salary. If the W left the M b/c her H did not measure up to her expectations of more money from his side of the street, I would check to see why he was not drawing a higher salary. Is it his lack of ambition, or is he just stuck in a low salary job with no hope of advancing? Maybe it's not him. Maybe he has a demanding and unrealistic W. Does he want to find a higher paying job and put in the necessary work in order to keep his W? I suppose that would be up to him.
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Even if you learn your mistakes and start working on it, being successful may take years or decades. what is your suggestion on how the LBS can overcome this?
Well, what was the mistake? Did you have a tendency to be lazy, a slacker, failed to follow through with training/education? Did you lack zeal, no passion, no drive to advance? Were you perfectly contented to remain in your current position, although it didn't pay enough to suit your W? What would you need to do to earn a higher salary? Would it mean changing jobs or changing careers? Big difference, IMO. What would be the drawback, and would there be any advantages or benefits, other than more money? These are the type things I would suggest checking out. There is a difference in a guy who won't buckle down and bring home a sufficient paycheck b/c he doesn't want to put in the hours or whatever..….and the one who is doing the best job he can with the qualifications he holds. If he wants to do whatever is necessary to get the qualifications, that's up to him.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
