Though I’m not (yet) to S / D, I have found myself looking ahead to whatever (and whoever) comes next. My orientation is shifting, whether it is to Current Wife 2.0, or looking forward to another woman in time.
I don’t want S / D (who does?), and while I know it’s not totally up to me, I think about how others refer to my sitch as ‘having been fired as being H,’ and I think to myself ‘why would I want to come back to this?’ Especially with how she is being mentally and emotionally.
I’m pulling this from another thread because I don’t want to hijack someone else’ thread....
I know that there is much that can happen down the road, and I’m well-aware that things could very well get much, much worse, but I’m journaling and open to commentary.....
I’ve wondered much about what would happen when / if W comes to her senses about all this. Obviously, there is much I need to work on, but I can only control myself in the end.
A/S talked about her ‘firing’ me from my job as her H, and he is correct. This is causing me to shift my vision down the road, towards W 2.0, or another woman.
I just know that at some point, there is going to be another R talk—either BD for S / D, or her talking about how she’s acted (doubt it, but you never know!)
I also know that, as it stands, it’s tough for me to want current version of W back—hard to find her all that attractive, on any level.
And to face that rejection?
I’m not sure what would be worse—her actually believing that S / D is the answer, or that she said all this because of hormones / emotions. Like I’m supposed to excuse her hormone levels or emotions? My IC has said that hormones for a woman are a totally different force—he is D and R/M, and he said that his XW later came back to him and explained to him that yeah, it was the hormones (brought about by menopause, IIRC).
Whatever the reason, it’s not okay for her to do this, and I find it unacceptable. I know I should act more like it’s unacceptable, and for me the trick is aligning attitudes and actions.
But I can’t just pretend that this is not okay (for whatever reason), and an “I’m sorry” won’t cut it. Nor will sweeping it under the rug like nothing has happened and things are gonna be all good. Because I really don’t want current W back, not like this.
She wants MR with me? She’s gonna have to work for it, and I’m going to have to hold her to it.
