ST, I believe you will get a lot of vets telling you that IHS is never a good idea.
Well a lot of choices after BD amount to picking the lesser of two evils. We do counsel not to leave the marital home, because it should be the WAS that is inconvenienced by S, not the LBS. The marital home is kind of the castle with the bed in the MBR being the throne. BD is emasculating enough without also ceding the throne and castle to the WAS. That said, with time sometimes the LBS has had enough and wants out to save themselves, and the WAS refuses to leave so the LBS decides to. There is nothing wrong with that if they do it for the right reasons and have allowed enough time to pass that they know it's the right thing for them. I would say "enough time" is 6 months post-BD minimum, closer to a year is better. Anything before that and you're probably letting feelings drive your decisions.
Also the LBS has to keep in mind that the WAS may very well invite OP to live in the marital home as soon as the LBS leaves. It has happened here plenty of times. So you've got to ask yourself- can I live with my WAS having sex in MY bed in MY home with OP while I'm slumming on couches or in some roach-infested apartment? I told me ex I was not leaving the house, period. And I meant it, if she wanted to treat me like crap I would have dealt with that in ways other than abandoning my home.
EDIT- forgot to add, with the above said, I do agree that IHS rarely leads to recon. TXHubby had an IHS and eventually reconciled, but that was because he eventually got so sick and tired of his W's BS, lies and cheating that he well and truly dropped the rope in spectacular fashion. After he did they were living under the same roof but not at all as husband and wife. He had absolutely nothing to do with her, treated her like some scummy tenant he couldn't get rid of for legal reasons. He went out and GAL'd and told her nothing. He lost weight, got his confidence back, started dating and enjoying the hell out of life. Suddenly his W saw what she was missing and begged him to take her back. At that point he wasn't even sure he wanted her anymore!
