The bomb woke me up, but she still won't talk

[lusa]

Thank you so much guys for the wise advice. I have just ruminated on your replies, nothing has changed in my sitch, I'm starting to realise that buying a house, whether we get to MC or not and many other issues that fly round my head on a daily basis aren't really that important, compared with the state of her heart.

This recent reply from Blu to someone else really fits my sitch and is exactly what i needed to hear. This has kept my feet on the ground and made the realise the grim reality of my sitch, when it's all so tempting to pretend we are piecing. We are nowhere near, I need to keep it real, not forget what's happened and not slide back into a pretend sham MR. The time will certainly come when she asks what she needs to do, I'll tell her and then it will be her choice, she'll either do hard work or she won't. Thanks to this board, I now know I will be OK eventually either way.
Thanks Blu x

I firmly believe that in order to have a genuine M, both people must be willing to look at themselves, be willing to change, and have remorse for the pain they have caused. I see this from you, but she seems far from even admitting to what she has done. She has given you no reason to trust her. So while you might be able to do some patchwork here and there and get her into counseling, she does not yet have an open heart. SHE IS STILL WAYWARD! Sure you have made your mistakes, we all have. That does not entitle her to have an affair. And she hasn't even admitted to it? We all teach people how to treat us. How do you want to be treated by your W? I ask you again, how do you think you deserve to be treated?

Some posters here think they can come here, follow the rules, and somehow win their S back. Their only focus is that if their M is restored, they will somehow have a better life. That is not how life works! Life is what WE make of it. They also are so internally wounded they refuse to see their reality. Truth is, you cannot force someone to love you or respect you. THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE! Don't you guys want to be in a M where you are loved and respected? Isn't that what M is about? Having someone physically there is not a real partnership...... Down the road, if and only if, she shows you a woman that is remorseful and committed to you, then you can consider if you want her back.

Blu