Sandi's Reflections - Part 3

[sandi2]

What is the WW mindset when their transgressions have "come to light" or there are rumors swirling about their wayward behavior?

There are too many variables to give a pat answer here. If she has gone to lengths to keep her transgressions concealed, then having those transgressions brought to light are some natural consequences I often talk about. I won't say for every WW it's the main ingredient that turns her around, but it might work in chipping away at her fantasy. The more reality that hits her at the same time, the better chance of it crumbling her fantasy.

From what I've observed, it mainly goes one of two ways.

1) She and OM are pushed closer together and take on the attitude of "us against the world". However, a scandal can put pressure on an affair.....especially if OM is a well established business man in the community. If OM is M and has children, he might try to end the A, in order to save his own skin. There is certainly no guarantee.

2) It can be the beginning of her fantasy world crumbling. It depends on how important having a good reputation is to her, and depending on how many enablers run to her rescue.

I brought the rumors up to my W last week when someone asked me about them. I figured I'd give her a little heads up that the "cat's out of the bag."

I'm curious as to why you decided to give her a "heads up".

So, I guess my question is, does this sort of stuff effect a WW at all?

It just depends on where she is emotionally/mentally in the affair. At the height of the affair, it probably would not matter in the sense it causes her to change her behavior and want to reconcile her M. It might lead to the OM showing his true colors, or her losing her job, etc. The loses add up, and tear down her fantasy world.