Husband left for the second time - 8

[Davide]

Nicole,

You have so many people pulling for you on here, it is incredible. I think it is also a testament to how open and honest you have been, how receptive to criticism, and how articulate you are. Your online persona is so strong and generates such empathy because so many of us can relate. Maika's comments above are well beyond what I can contribute, and I will continue to read them myself. I think that what he writes about lack of confidence and co-dependency is applicable to so many of us on here.

I would still push you to consider not allowing H to stay at your house for Christmas. He is already staying elsewhere for a week or more, right? So, let him handle the inconvenience of driving over. It just doesn't seem healthy for you to have to endure him spending the night. Perhaps that is just projection because I know that it would likely drive me crazy.

I know what you mean when you talk about preferring life in a partnership to life alone. I also lived on my own from 18-34 and had my fill of the single life. However, I think any successful relationship has to come from a position of strength and abundance not need. It is only once you are capable of loving yourself that you can share the overflowing love with another. Being with someone to fill that hole within yourself rarely works out well.

I also hear you about marrying someone from another country. There were times early in my marriage where I questioned whether or not I was being used to get a visa. It was really just garden-variety insecurity on my part because I was so in love and thought that my W was out of my league. At least in my case I don't believe that immigration status played any role (my W had no desire to live in the US, and in fact gave up Canadian residency to move here with me), but it is hard. My W got her citizenship in Sep. and BDed me in April. It was hard to let go of the idea that I helped her through that entire process only for her to walk away right after.

You are on the right path, Nicole. Keep focusing on your personal growth and your D.