Wife in MLC, I think

[LB55]

Steve,

Thanks for the advice. I am working on getting her something from the kids, and from the kids only. Also working on what to say to her if she engages me. It was something along the lines of what you posted. She divorced me emotionally probably 6 months ago. She is a stranger, and I am trying to treat it like that. I wouldn't get a stranger a gift for Christmas, well maybe I would, but it would be a coat for a homeless person or something.

I did get to talk with my S11 last night on his birthday, that was really nice. Since she took away their ipads I am going to tell her that each night at 7pm the kids get her phone to call me and talk. I bet they get their tablets back because she doesn't like not having her phone.

She is very gone Steve. I am not trying to do odds calculations or anything here. She has lots of issues and she has to work through them. I have really only begun giving her emotional space, and I have been silent on all R topics for 12 or 13 days now. We have texted about the kids twice in that time. It has been good for me. I am working slowly on transforming my wardrobe to a more mature look. I went shopping for some new glasses yesterday, and found a couple I really liked. I am going to do some more shopping with my sister when I am home over the holidays. I felt good yesterday wearing some of my new clothes that make me look good.

I was going to confront her about the Christmas holiday and that I was going to see the kids, they aren't part of this fight, and she is welcome to make plans to join us or not. I am still going to stick to that point, but I got an email at work this morning that said, 'H, you can see the kids at Christmas. Let me know when your flight arrives so I can pick you up. W.' I will take that olive branch, because it is about the kids. This email shows me I still have a long ways to go in detaching, because I was nervous to open it.

As far as moving out, I agree I will not be moving out. I am not sure how the courts will see it as I have been gone for a year; I haven't established any sort of residence, all my mail still goes there, my drivers license still says I live there. Everything I read says she cant change the locks, and if she does I can get a locksmith or she can give me a key. I am playing this one close to the vest, because of my distance right now. I intend to arrive in January, move in, and then tell her that I live here, I am not leaving, and if she isn't comfortable with that she is welcome to live somewhere else. Same goes for the MBR. She doesn't want to sleep with me in bed, she can sleep elsewhere. I don't want sex, I just want to sleep in a comfortable bed. She will be shocked at the new man that shows up and is in charge of his own self. This will likely scare her and she will leave for a while to think it over.