Wife is not who I married ... Pt6 pls help!

[LoneWlf]

Thanks for the kind word davide,

I'm home today because I twisted my knee so now I can try and get caught up. I've been finding this Christmas season very hard cycling thru feelings of anger and anxiety. Work is very busy and hectic. I find my S my be feeling the tension that I am projecting. With things at work so busy I having limited time with him - I am also requesting that he do a little more to help around the house. He still tries to spend all his time on his cpu playing online games with his buddies.

The other day I came home from work to see him glued to his cpu while not attending to his chores and his dog. In an angered state I told him I was disappointed in his choice to just play games and to over look his duties. Our rule is do the things you need to get done first. After a heated discussion about his choices and how focusing on his computer with his buddies always gets him in trouble. He says -I need this time to escape this mess I'm in. My game and my buddies are the only place I escape find happiness now. I ask him can he not focus on his chores before getting on his computer? He says he forgets a lot. I asked him to put things in pace to remind him . His phone - the whiteboard by his computer - sticky notes. In tears he says I feel this is all I have now ( my computer - my buddies) , I'm always either always angry or anxious. I reaffirmed as long as we stay angry we will not heal ( I know I need to take my own advice). I also stated that we need to make the choice to be grateful and happy for what we have. We need to accept the situation we are in and make the best of it. I tell him I have seen his efforts not missing school and am very proud of him and his accomplishments. He also told me that he feels a lot of pain in the church and seeing all the families together. I did not know what to say other than validate. I asked him if he wanted to talk with the priest or IC. He said that never does any good - he still feels angry and broken. I may have to force him to go as I do not want anything bad to happen.

He did add that most of his friends are always happy and that the do not do half the chores that he does. My response was do not compare what your friends portray on the outside to what you feel on the inside. Your friends have a different situation than you. they may have larger families that can all pitch in and help around the house. With us it is just you and I and I need your contributions to make this work. Otherwise we may have to sell the house and find something more smaller - and at some point depending on what W wants we may have to sell. He quickly responded I like it here - I will get a part time job if we can keep it. Not sure if we can but i will reach out to a realtor and a mortgage broker if necessary.

Last week my son had a Christmas concert- he plays the sax. He requested his mom not go. He said his mom texted him but he did not respond. I went with my 2 sisters -it was a good night and my S did well. So good to see him interact among his peers. In the intermission I ran into an old childhood friend and his W. They were there to see there daughter a freshman ion the band also. I was the captain of my mens baseball team and this friend played on my team and his W would often come to the games to cheer like my W. Often times we would go to beaches or camping with the base ball gang. Any ways my friend W says I saw your W with your SIL ( my brothers W) at a restaurant last week. It kinda hit me but I just tried to ignore it and keep the convo flowing. After that - I kinda got pit in my stomach. I really need help on detachment.It kinda set me back .

S said yesterday that he wanted me to reach out to W so that he could talk with her and give her one last chance. I said I feel it was a good idea but that he would have o reach out to her himself. I also said it would be good if we could all find forgiveness in our hearts that would help with the healing. I mentioned that it would be good to talk with her regularly and he had my blessing. No matter what she will always be your mother- she may do things you don't like or agree with but she will always be your mother. I said if he wanted me to drive him over there or meet here that I was here to support him and would be here to talk.

I feel sad to not have my family intact during the holidays. It may be depression but I have started to put weight back on 8lbs. I'm not sleeping well and have found out that I get recurring headaches along the back neckline. I may be projecting anger and resentment to S. I need to find my happy place. I need to get back to finding balance. I pray that S and I find peace soon. I know it is a long process and I must do my best to facilitate healing. Sorry for the book just getting caught up.

My prayers are that as God gave us our savior to show us how to LOVE. May we all experience that Love and Peace this Christmas season. Blessings!