A flicker of light. W accidentally saw me practicing and performing in my studio on Sunday afternoon. I was dancing in a care free but familiar way and singing at the top of my lungs jingle bell rock . She let out a laugh and a contagious smile while she was looking at me. It seemed as though I caught her totally off guard . I kept my rigid composure but cracked a quick natural smile, stopped what I was doing and made sure that she knew I noticed her moment of vulnerability ...
This was the first glimpse of anything that I feel I could build on to go forward someday. The only way that she could’ve done this or felt this way is from the softening of the heart which has been hard to do because she has been so depressed and angry. I am still beating myself up for badgering her and pushing her two weeks ago.
Taking that first legal step might not of ever happened if I hadn’t pushed her because she is inherently a procrastinator and this would’ve been no exception, I believe. I can tell that she is still confused even though she has said she wants D.
Still no petition letter has arrived and I am ignoring the feelings that it may come today or tomorrow or the next because it’s heart wrenching to know that the legal process detailed on a piece of paper will be the next phase of this drama .
Detaching and learning what that’s about. Thanks for the advice is everyone,
Heartbroken but strong and reverent to the things that I know I must do if I’m going to survive on the path to R.
