I really struggle imagining how I am going to deal with this long term if that doesn't happen.
Forecasting into the future is scary, so stop doing it for now. I know, it's not that easy. Can you forecast/imagine a future that only includes non-relationship details? Right now I'm a bit obsessed with the idea of moving to Italy for a year long stint. I'm considering how I might do this (no plans), what my everyday life would look like. Walking to la farmacia! Buying little goodies for people back home! Going out for apertivo with coworkers!
Why don't you make a 2019 vision board but NO relationship stuff? I might do that.
Originally Posted by TJT
It's sad that I have more hope for my H coming back than I do in thinking I could find someone new. I try to "practice" looking for a new mate all the time (basically literally just looking and going into evaluation mode), to get myself in the habit and go through the motions I guess, even though I'm nowhere near ready, and even during my "practices" I end up feeling disappointed. I don't feel like I'll ever be able to date in a healthy way because of this whole situation, and that the odds of finding someone "organically" while I'm NOT looking are pretty slim.
I'm not looking either but that didn't stop me from being completely distracted by a coworker at my holiday party. I was caught off guard (but took it!). It was unexpected, so I'm sure you'll be just as surprised some random day by someone that catches your eye. I get the "practice" thing. That's how I work as well. It never works. It will happen organically and naturally for you, I promise.
If you're like me, a person walking down the street won't do anything for you. I'm more apt to pause to admire a woman's shoes or haircut than her physique. BUT if I see someone in their element - when they are completely confident and doing a great job at whatever their *thing* is, that's when I will take notice. Confidence is super sexy.
Originally Posted by TJT
I am not planning on talking about H at all, in terms of asking questions about whether they've heard from him, etc. If they talk about him or ask me things, I will talk, but I am not going to instigate it as that is not the reason for me coming over.
I also plan to apologize to them for not being as engaged and in touch with them over the years because I know I should have been and it is embarrassing that it took all of this for me to show them how much I do care.
Regarding your In Laws: I might suggest you plan several non-H related topics. I'd maybe avoid speaking of him except in generalities. You never know how things may be interpreted, and things could get skewed in the re-telling. If you can realistically say to him "honestly, we didn't speak of you at all. We just had a nice visit" that should be your goal. Now is not the time to build a bridge with them. But if you genuinely like them as people, find topics to speak with them about as people.
Your MIL has her own perspective, and may not relay any conversations you have with her accurately. Not that it would be out of malice, but I'm sure you H will hear what he wants to hear when your MIL talks to him. So please tread very, very carefully. I'd be vague in any answers you give related to H. Or simply say, "I'm sure you can understand that this isn't easy. I'd love to talk about _______ instead? Tell me about _____!"
Don't apologize to them. Too close to being interpreted as a round-about R-talk or pursuit. It puts them in the role of MIL/FIL and not "nice people I had tea with".
