LBS dealing with WW (part 6)

[Joe2017]

I wrote a long reply and it got erased. Lol, so I’m going to redo this with a much shorter version.

We are beginning to reconcile. She seems to be sincere, and she has agreed to my terms:

1) This is her second chance, not mine. She is rebuilding MY trust, not the other way around.
2) I need to know everything about all relationships post D. I also required evidence that the relationships are over. She has provided this information.
3) She needs to take an STD test. She agreed without argument.
4) I need passwords to her devices. She has provided this.
5) She needs to apologize to my son. She has done this already and they are communicating.
6) She needs to apologize to my family. This is a work in progress, just by the nature of what it is.

We have been on a few dates so far, and they have all gone well. We have had a couple small arguments that all worked out peacefully. I expected some arguments, and we were able to communicate and solve our problems instead of argue even more. Overall, the R seems to be going in the right direction. There is a lot of familiarity, but also something new about each other that is different than the first time. We are both different people than we were a year ago. She did waywarding, I did GAL and 180’s. I think both processes changed both of us in some ways neither of us expected from each other. It’s very interesting.

I asked her what she wants to accomplish with this relationship. She said her goal is to become my wife again, if I will let her. I told her that she’s getting ahead of herself, since still have a lot of work to do. She says she is willing to do it.

HOWEVER: Something I never planned for happened to me. I realized I have a lot of insecurities about myself as it relates to my ex. And mentally, I took all of those things and put them into a box and hid them in my attic. Because I never thought R was an option, I never dealt with these emotions in the past and never planned for them to happen. So it is a little bit scary, and I have some things to think about before I get more serious. I don’t really need her in my life, so what am I even doing?

Life is weird.