I know a lot of you miss sex. I'll just flat out tell you that after my D and during my dating I had some seriously wild sex escapades. I mean it was like "Dear Hustler, I never thought I would be writing you but..." kind of stuff. Things that would make a porn star blush. And in places you've probably only fantasized about. And we're talking beautiful, sexy women too. My sex life during M was pretty plain vanilla because my ex liked it that way, she's a creature of routine. I'm very adventurous though, and I learned there are a lot of adventurous women out there that absolutely love an adventurous man. So yeah, I had some WILD times. I still do with my GF, we have a very active sex life. So whenever I read LBH's talking about how much they wish their wife would have pity sex with them I think "oh man if you only knew what is out there for the taking, you wouldn't be wasting your time begging for crumbs."
I do miss sex, but I’m not going to beg her—I feel like it’s beneath me (even though I wish it was her who was).
On an earlier post, I’ve mentioned that I’m remorseful about the times earlier when she felt like she needed to beg me for sex (part of it was the periodic abstinence required by practicing NFP, part of it was me being exhausted or busy as a teacher).
I’m not into anything especially wild, nor am I looking to be. I will admit that earlier in our MR, I was still a relative prude when it came to sex. W is more sexually adventurous, and one of the things she told me she was so unhappy about was I wasn’t as willing to branch out sexually. So I tried to do that, but, in her estimation a couple of months ago, it wasn’t good enough. So between that and being rejected, I’m not asking.
But now that I’m in the forum and journaling and reading what other people say and I can articulate my voice and desires a bit better, I do feel an unleashing of sexual energy (in what I hope is a healthy sense). Just talking with other men and articulating how I feel and realizing that I do deserve better helps me feel a bit more articulated and powerful sexually, if that makes sense.
Like you said, I don’t want pity sex, and I don’t need to be ‘begging for crumbs.’
At home, she often walks around in a cami, bra and jeans—which is a great look (and I’ve told her that in the past when she’s asked about turn-ons, but if I had power over this one I’d ask her to swap out the jeans for yoga pants and now we’d be talking), but if I’m being honest, LOTS OF WOMEN WOULD LOOK GREAT IN THOSE.
After getting out of the shower on Saturday morning when getting ready for YS’ baptism, I walked into our room in only jeans (no shirt), and I passed by the bed where she was feeding YS. I’m not sure if she noticed, and I really shouldn’t care. But I know that I felt pretty d*** good about myself while walking past—like I like how I look, and being confident about that.
I know it’s in the future, but I’m more than a little nervous about this weekend’s dinner out with W. We’ve not been great conversationalists recently, so I don’t know. I know I should have precisely ZERO EXPECTATIONS of anything, really—our night out, possibilities for sex, and all that. I’m a bit nervous about getting asked about ‘what’s wrong with [me] recently,’ and all that. I doubt it, but there is always a nonzero chance of another BD, even though it’s right before Christmas.
