Final chapter .. part 3

[Rita]

I do believe it, immediately. Of course everything came zooming into perspective here and now. That's I think the gift that mortality gives us, when we confront it. We rarely confront it.

Just today my H said to me that his friend, my kids' godfather, had invited him to X-Mas. I was so disgusted that this man, rather than encouraging my H to go back to his family and see his own children, is funding his D and encouraging him NOT to be with us on X-Mas. And what I said to express this, as I do not express much to my H as far as commenting on his choices, was, "Hopefully (friend's name) will be the one to sit by your deathbed too." I am sure my H had no idea what I meant, and it was snarky of me, but it was that exact thing, that once you are facing that, everything really does become clear. I know that no matter what happens, it would be me and my kids sitting by my H's side and holding his hand.

But all that said, you do not know what will happen to your xH. He could have it or not, he could survive it with treatment too.

What do you feel? What are you scared of? Do you want to reach out to xH?

If you follow my thread at all, you know that I will say it is okay to love your enemy. However you are able to do that, even if it's from a place of no contact.

Sending you love.