Wife in MLC, I think

[LB55]

She may be WW, though WWs usually try to keep up family appearances while still doing whatever (and whomever) they want. Understand that right now you are dealing with someone who is beyond selfish. Anyone that will leave their kids to feed themselves can't be trusted to put anyone else ahead of herself in her life.

Look up self-differentiation in marriage. Learning about it really helped me a lot related to detaching.

I think she is definitely trying to keep up appearances to outside people. No SM posts is a rule, she doesn't want me talking to anyone outside of my family about it(not that she can control this), don't tell the kids anything, wants me to keep my vehicle at the house, etc. Everyone that knows us but isn't super close or family would just continue to think i was gone for military obligations per our plans. The holidays not wanting me there is a change in this theme, but only her parents and her friends will be invited and they all know anyway, so maybe not.

She is definitely selfish, although she accuses me of being selfish and controlling. I have seen the light on this, she is projecting herself onto me, and i am done apologizing. I am a very apologetic person, but that one will be fairly easy for me to turn off. She is making everything about money, stuff, toys, and getting what she is entitled to from this whole thing. She is an only child, which always have more selfish tendencies. She does have a step brother, but he is 16 years older and wasn't around much during childhood. Her dad is divorced and married her mom when he was 37 and she was 19. Her mom was running from an alcoholic father. A tough dynamic. Now they are still together, but he just watches fox news all day and her mom complains that he never wants to do anything. That is what happens when you marry 18 years your senior. They get old and you are still working and looking forward to retirement.

I am looking forward to the GAL activities, some are things i haven't done in years and really need to get moving. Some are just dreams at this point, but sound really fun. She wants me to get into golf. I hate golf. She says she wants to get into golf, but she has done nothing to get into it other than take a lesson or two that her previous employer provided at no cost. I refuse at this point, it just isn't fun for me. She always wants me to take up things that she is likely better at than me, like we are in competition. She has always been mad that i am just good at things, athletic or mechanical, intellectual, etc. I don't brag about it, however i am not afraid to show that i am good at things by taking on a challenge, accomplishing the task at hand, and doing it well.

Off to see a IC for the first time. Trying to not be apprehensive, working to be more open and honest with myself and others. This is a small step towards that, after all, i set the appointment. Trying to remember my goals here, to work on me and make myself a better man, with no R expectations.

I will look up self differentiation tonight, i haven't run across that term in my reading and research yet.