Nic - You are amazing!!! You are raising your D essentially on your own and you are not actively disrupting any potential relationship between your D and her father. That's no easy task when there is so much hardship between parents. I've seen the damage first hand when children are used as pawns to punish another parent. So Kudos Girl!!! Pat yourself on the back. Single parenting is exhausting and challenging but not impossible. You are doing a wonderful job.
You've asked me multiple times why I state that your H knows that you are still available as an option while you point out a list of things you have done that show you are not but as Blu pointed out - its symantics on your end that show how eager you are for any breadcrumbs thrown your way by him.
Anytime you miss a late night call, OR he seems sad, OR he looks puffy eyed you jump to the statement that perhaps he is starting to realize how much of a mistake he has made with you. That's a pretty big assumption on your part. You have NO idea why he has these issues. Not only is his personal life a mess but he has profound professional issues to --- trust me when a resident is let go from multiple jobs it is a huge red flag!!! It gets harder and harder to a job because future prospects will look to why he has been forced out. Quite frankly it appears he starts to feel bad for himself and falls back on you not because he wants you per say but because he can whine to you... that makes him feel better but at the cost of your hopes and sanity.
In my honest opinion I think you need to read DB about the Last Resort Option --- and go dark... go very very dark. And, you need to actual live your life like he is never coming back... which means when there is a missed call 1am you don't immediately ponder that if you had only taken that call he would have come back... stop that!!!
Trust me, if he does the work he needs to do to be the man you need not answering one phone call will not make him say "oh well...". When the guy really wants to come back he will be persistent. He will shout from the rooftops what a fool he had been and he will take the time to be patient and show consistent good behavior over time so that you know that its real. He will show interest in your feelings, concerns, etc. That's the one thing that has been lacking... concern for your feelings for such a long time.
One of the best words of advice I ever got in my life over a broken heart was that "I will get over it when I'm ready to be over it". Its true... when you are ready you will move on... we all grieve differently. I think what most of us are trying to say is that when you can see that missed call at 1am and go "what the crap does he want now" and really mean it then you will finially be detached. Moving a 1000miles away may put physical distance but you are no more detatched... and he isn't going to have any kind of wake up call until you really have detached and moved on.
I know this is hard.... holidays and all. Everyone here thinks the world of you and your D. We just want to see you live your best life! Hugs!!!!
