I forgot to add about an event that occurred Saturday morning. I had GAL plans that morning and I had WW's mom over to look after D4 while I was out. About a half hour before I was scheduled to leave, I asked D4 to go in and wake grandma up so that I can go. SHe went in and...nothing. Ok. So I continued to wait. I also got a text informing me that the shoot may be cancelled due to RL issues of the friends. It bummed me out but I was not in as much of a rush. About an hour later I ask D4 again to wake up Grandma. Nothing. As a matter of fact, D4 closes her bedroom door. At this point, I recognize that D4 has not really eaten and it was mid-morning. I started to get angry and think about D4's well-being if grandma stayed asleep until well into the afternoon. I texted WW and told her to call me. I was angry. No response. I then went in to grandma's bedroom and kindly asked her to wake up as it was almost noon. She was up and about and they proceeded to go about their day. WW called me and I was really upset at the sitch and proceeded to belch my anger to WW and how I am concerned for D4's well-being when grandma isn't even awake to check on D4. She got defensive immediately and asked why I was blaming her. I fell back into my old habit of saying that if my parents pulled the same crap WW would raise hell herself and would probably put a restraining order. I did not get to complete that sentence as she immediately cut me off. I backed off and got the subject at hand, but I was still angry. She continued to get defensive. I told her numerous times that I was not blaming her or anything of the like. I told her that she was making assumptions about where my anger was and I was pretty certain that I told WW that it was not directly her fault. WW felt I was making the implication. My anger gradually subsided but I still expressed my concern. She offered to drive back to the house to pick up D4 herself. I said that was not necessary. My intent was just to simply make her aware that this is happening.
We finally ended the conversation civilly and did not talk until she got a hold of me later that night.
She brought the conversation again during our long (baited) talk and told me that it had some abusive markers. And that how she needs to be the person I need to vent to. I told her I understand what she is saying, and I told her that Which...looking back I may see that. Old habits are hard to stop, but I am working on that. I did not need to tell her because I think she knew I was working on that.
Called my mom. She asked me if I still have a place in my heart for her. I said "yes". She then told me to not give up hope. Which is very hard to do right now. Mostly because I am just so tired and I am wasting so much energy into something I cannot control.