As I was reading more of the MLC resources, my absolute greatest fear, aside from H actually not ever "waking up", is that he WILL "wake up" and then be one of those people who has too much guilt and pride to come back! How extra tragic would that be?!!
Me too. I think the best we can do is any time there is ANY communication around logistics (house, D, pet) just to be as calm and non-judgmental as possible. I guess this is where "lovingly detach" comes in. If we can try to not ADD to the guilt, perhaps that's enough. But from some of the reading, if the MLC does come out of the fog they will be having some memories of the R during good times. Maybe they'll remember that we were good listeners at that time?
Originally Posted by TJT
One more thing, I also want to say that my H, while he has exhibited a TON of other MLC behaviors, has never done the whole "confusion" thing. Well, I won't say "never". He acted confused before I found out all the details of A, and then there was definitely some inability of him to make any decisions, but ever since I told him that if he is not willing to work on M I did not want him coming back and forth to the house when it was convenient for him, it has pretty much been NC.
I also read this is a long-haul thing with MLCs, so maybe the timeline just hasn't progressed enough in my sitch yet. It's been three months or so since H moved out, and about 7 months since BD. I am now very interested to see if the confusion principle kicks in the longer we are apart. I am definitely not expecting it based on how things seem to be now.
I'm on a similar timeline as you and a similar spouse. My W didn't really do the confusion thing. We're NC. And for me (and it seems for you as well if I've read correctly?) she's not really monstering. No outrageous anger at me, though there was certainly more frustration than warranted. But no screaming, no gambling, no alcoholism, no lipo, no exercise/weight loss. Just withdrawl which wasn't noticed at first, then BD, then greater and greater withdrawl. Then discovery of OW, then moving, then "I want a divorce" then.....here we are. Her decisions have always been firm along each stage.
I re-read your very first post and our spouses are the same person. Yours is the first person I've found that is quite this similar to my sitch. I'm so, so sorry.
Sending support to you. But you seem to be doing awesome considering the circumstances.
