Thank you peacetoday and job! She is getting a family photo of all kids and me from a recent trip from the kids. They wanted to give her this, even though I tried to talk them out of the version with me in it. Not sure how that will fly. As far as interaction, do I hug her when she arrives? What do I do if she surprises me and gets intimate, for the last time etc? Just trying to think through all contingencies. Thank you.
I think the photo is a nice idea and if the kids want to give her that, then do it. Don't disappoint the kids. She will take the photo and may put it out at her place or not. I wouldn't be the first to hug. Follow her lead, i.e., if she reaches out to you, then do so, but otherwise, I would refrain from being all touchy feely. Follow her lead! Don't over think the situation. Follow her lead! Keep your expectations at zero at all times!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
And I was thinking of writing, saying this may be our last Christmas together, so thank her for coming, expressing regret that we got to this point, and saying goodbye. Is this the right approach?
I would get a generic Christmas card and just say Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays and sign it. You can thank her for coming in person and do not say anything about regret or saying goodbye. You can say goodbye when she leaves, i.e., going home. You do not want to bring up relationship issues during the holiday because this is really about your children and Christmas right now. Leave the personal issues going on at the door for the holiday and they can be picked up again after Christmas. If she brings up issues about the relationship, table them until after the holiday.
Again, this visit is all about the kids and what they wanted this year. Celebrate the season w/them, be thankful she's coming at all and just enjoy the holiday for the short time it is around.
Keep it light and simple and no relationship talks!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Update: I was blackmailed. Wife is pushing to get my counter proposal on divorce. When I said I preferred mediation, she threatened to not come spend Christmas with the kids. At the same time, her sibling threatens to remove my belongings if I do not try to resolve this now. I had to cave because my kids were looking forward to seeing my wife and I could not afford to have my things outside in the elements for days. It is time to move out.
I am so sorry that this has happened. Do what you must to keep your own sanity.
I would call her bluff. If she doesn't come to visit w/the children during the holidays, I would advise the children that she's very busy and unable to come after all. They can call, facetime or email/text her to wish her happy holidays. I would not allow her to bully you into doing something you aren't ready to do. The kids will be disappointed, but you can't allow her to bully you....
I am not at all surprised that she wants your counter proposal on divorce. She doesn't want to do mediation because in her mind, it takes too long and she wants her divorce yesterday. Advise her that the discussion on the counter proposal will not be discussed during Christmas, but that you will review everything after the holiday.
Does her sibling live w/you and is her name on the deed? If not, she doesn't have the authority to come into your home and remove your belongings.
I am so sorry she's using the holiday to hold you and your children hostage. Stop, breathe and do not do anything when you are upset and/or angry. You have to be in a calm place to deal with this latest mess.
just my two cents.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you, job. I agreed to discuss and try to work out our positions because 1) she is supposed to come today and I cannot let this happen to my kids and 2) my property is at her siblings house. He was letting me stay there when wife and I were not nesting. He is threatening to remove my items and leave them outside his property exposed to theft and the elements unless I responded to her. My hands are tied. I found an apartment today and will move my stuff out when I get back. I cannot be blackmailed. I will play nice until I get back. She did nothing after she filed and is now demanding this to be closed out after sending me a final decree just two weeks ago that I just went over with my attorney this week because I was out of town. This is bullying and blackmail in its purest form.
