Yes, that stupid element of hope. I'm with you on that one. I'm on it too. It's helpful some days. I feel exactly as you do - I'll use it until it doesn't help me move along anymore.
My W dropped communication with all friends in our area (she moved states for a new job). That's the point that makes me really realized this isn't all about me and our R.This is about her and something she needs to tackle. BUT I still do see some very poor behaviors on my part that I'm not okay with as I do some self-reflecting. Those behaviors (mostly avoidance) need some serious work on my part so that IF we have any chance of R in the future I am ready to meet her as my very best self.
She also did the same pet thing - I guess I get the rabbit out of guilt? Good, because I adore the little hopper
