Hi Ovr, things cannot go back to how they were for certain but MR 2.0 should mean it’s better for both of you. Do you think this is your R? I may be wrong but it feels like there is a lot of sweeping under the rug here. She is far from owning her issues, you are trying to put band aids, my fear is even if you let bygones now how do you know you will not be here a few years down the road again if the big issues are left unresolved? In my opinion R needs true remorse, I have seen where people have said once the WAS snaps out of the fog they won’t even remember how badly they behaved or how they hurt their spouse. For me that is not good enough, after walking through the inferno I need empathy, compassion and true remorse to start R. It may not happen at all but without these wouldn’t the R be shallow? Wouldn’t the LBS spend their life looking over their shoulder? If and when the WAS shows genuine remorse and accepts their mistake without continuing to blame the LBS, that is when the LBS needs to build empathy and forgive to move forward. Your W has no regrets, remorse or the slightest ownership of her mistakes. You cannot continue to carry the burden on both your behalf I may be wrong in this so please let the other vets chime in. I think you need to call her out on her BS, not confrontational, just matter of fact and let her know you won’t settle for this behavior. It may be pan to the fire but what you have going is not sustainable in the long run. Would you want to have a family with this woman and spend the rest of your life doubting yourself? As I said, my suggestion may be completely off, my own MR train is almost at the D station, just chew on this and wait for others. You have superb advice for the newbies so I know that you get these concepts, hugs
