My true belief is that yes, I was not a perfect wife, and there were things I'm certain my husband needed from me that he wasn't getting. But I do NOT believe those things, or even the length of time they started to become real issues, is something I would have expected to divorce over. I know I can't tell someone else how they should feel, but this is honestly a situation where I have a degree of confidence that if my H is divorcing me for the reasons he says he is, he is not going to be able to handle most relationships long-term. And trust me, I don't take solace in that or trying to make myself sound "better" than... it truly frustrates me that someone could make themselves out to be committed only to discover they actually have huge issues in being able to do the work that commitment requires. It's the biggest hurt to feel that someone didn't think you were worth fighting for or with.
I've been having nearly these exact thoughts lately. I was re-reading your first posting and think I need to re-read your sitch. You and I seem to have a similar outlook. You seem to have solid confidence in yourself and you are aware of your FAIR share of any M problems there might have been - no more or no less than what is fair. Because your H had his fair share too. But you are also aware that if you were in his shoes you wouldn't be leaving. There's something else he's working through, and that's in the way of your M.
This morning I was re-reading the Odds and Ends of MLC link and it help me put into place some thoughts as to maybe what our spouses are thinking. I don't know if it will help you, but it made me feel better. It made me feel like I can only be responsible for myself, and I must leave my W to go through her process in her own way and in her own time.
