My choice to use a local firm is purely based on practicalities of not having to travel to the city. To be honest I don’t intend to use them much more than offering initial guidance. I’m not sticking around in limbo whilst we battle it out in the courts for minimal gain. I really just want to draw a line.
This is my view as well. If/when that happens, I would just like it done. As long as we divvy up 50/50 and we hold on to our own debts (mine is higher than his - mainly because I have financed our lifestyle for years) I think I will be happy. I suspect his view will be the same mainly because I know if we slugged it out in court, I would be entitled to more. In fact, the view he has expressed, the two times we've discussed it, is that lawyers just eat up money and that we should agree terms between us and get it officiated by a mediator. To which, my response was, is and will be 'will we f***'. Like yours, my H would probably not be acting in my best interest. And like yours, I think my H forgets sometimes who he married.
Originally Posted by Yorkie
Don’t get me wrong, my standard of living will plummet and things will be tight. But I’ve done that before and can do it again. He’s not the most financially responsible or frugal of men so at least I’ll be in control.
Mine too. I am ok with it thought. I worked two jobs and lived on noodles and pasta to pay my way through uni. I have started again twice before (once when I finished uni and once when I first met H). Plus, if we sell the house, then I won't have this albatross of a mortgage hanging over me.
Originally Posted by Yorkie
I think if you’re children were older you would be in the same place as me. I don’t have to worry about mine. In fact they are the ones saying to me ‘ you can do this Mum’. It’s my greatest achievement that these 3 young men know that I’ve always put them first and now they are repaying that in spades. I’m very proud of them. They’re fine young men.
Your H has been a selfish t**t when it comes to your kids. They, by the sound of it, have completely lost respect for him. Mine, adore their father, and I would not take that away from them or him. My H is the poster child for born again fathers. It stings it took leaving me to make him realise how important our children are. I think he was scared that when he left he would lose them so he turned the love he once had for me to them. It makes it hard for me to completely let go of him. When he is with them, I still see the man I love. Not the one I fell in love with (that man adored me), but the man I always thought he could become. You have lost respect for yours. Once you lose respect, detaching is easier - you cannot want to be with someone who has no worth in your eyes.
Originally Posted by Yorkie
But my personal belief is this: we all have MLCs in our lives to some extent. I don’t know anybody who has been married for 27 years who doesn’t sometimes think “ this isn’t very exciting” or “is this all there is
I agree. There were nights when my H was away, or out with his friends, or had disappointed me in some way, that I thought 'is this really what my life has become'. I think strength of character, commitment and straight up not living in some sort of fantasy land separates us. Two other things - 1) my H suffers from depression and anxiety. It is a family thing - his mum, his brother, his grandmother, his uncles and 2) He cannot take responsibility for his own unhappiness - he has a need to externalize blame (also a family trait). I don't know about yours, but I think MLC (or whatever), depression and the externalization of blame are a toxic combination. This is what makes the thought "is this what my life has become" becomes like the sirens song they can't shake .
”Good luck with the solicitor Yorkie. The offer re London was genuine. Let me know when you are down next.
