I would definitely be up for that FS. My choice to use a local firm is purely based on practicalities of not having to travel to the city. To be honest I don’t intend to use them much more than offering initial guidance. I’m not sticking around in limbo whilst we battle it out in the courts for minimal gain. I really just want to draw a line. I’m prepared to sign away rights to his pension and a parcel of land that he part owns which will be developed at some time in the future, if I get what equity I need from the house straightaway. I’m aware that his reaction to me going to lawyers perhaps suggests that he’s frightened. He’s perhaps not acting in my best interests. Shocker!
I rather suspect I could take him to the cleaners ( he changed the mortgage and put it in front of me to sign without explaining the ramifications) this would be frowned upon by a court as he had more legal knowledge than me. This was done years ago on the understanding that his land deal would pay the mortgage off. I can just chalk it up to experience and take a loss in order to start afresh in the manner that I want.
Don’t get me wrong, my standard of living will plummet and things will be tight. But I’ve done that before and can do it again. He’s not the most financially responsible or frugal of men so at least I’ll be in control.
I think if you’re children were older you would be in the same place as me. I don’t have to worry about mine. In fact they are the ones saying to me ‘ you can do this Mum’. It’s my greatest achievement that these 3 young men know that I’ve always put them first and now they are repaying that in spades. I’m very proud of them. They’re fine young men.
I’ve had a lot of time to think about these things. I could make all sorts of excuses for him such as he’s had a MLC etc etc. But my personal belief is this: we all have MLCs in our lives to some extent. I don’t know anybody who has been married for 27 years who doesn’t sometimes think “ this isn’t very exciting” or “is this all there is” The fact that the answer to his personal discontent was to have an affair is nothing to do with being abducted by aliens but everything to do with having a shallow and dysfunctional character. It was always there it just needed the right conditions to emerge.
I spent a lot of time feeling sorry for him, making excuses and avoiding the reality. This is who he is. Some spouses might change genuinely but I know I would always sit expecting it to re-emerge if the going got tough. But he won’t change because somebody new believes the personna that he portrays.
I so believe in marriage. But marriage to me means love honesty and respect. He didn’t do any of those things when he chose to sleep with someone else and hide it for 15 months. Who was it sang “love don’t live here anymore” it applies in this house.
