Yes. I have some relief after the move. During the process it felt weird.....as if I were breaking a law or something. She came home for about 10 minutes and then left. We did not talk. It is a bittersweet feeling. I haven't lived in an apartment since college but at the same time I am sick of dealing with her. I hope it doesn't scare the kids too much to see missing furniture. I left all of their stuff in the house but there are large items obviously missing.
There is a strange liberating feeling about all of this. We are now separated (though the state doesn't recognize that). I took a few pieces of furniture she wanted but too late for her to get it back. She was so entitled she said I could have a couch, tv and a bed, leaving her with 90% of possessions. I left her with 65% of things, though I could have claimed more. This morning I requested to see the kids sunday and she has not responded yet. I do not know how this MLC crowd process doses of reality, but I'm sure everything will be my fault.....again.
I am actually doing better than I thought. Cannot wait to see the kids this weekend.
A visitation schedule would help in setting up times to see the children. Some parents have made up calendars and posted them to their spouses so that both parties are aware of when the children will be w/both parents. It will help alleviate any friction that may be created when you ask to see your children.
Of course, everything is your fault. If you said the sky was blue, she would disagree. No matter what you do or don't do, she will find fault. That's why is it important to stay the course, remain calm and keep the focus on you and your children.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Glad you feel ok The quiet space of NO mlcer is quite healing The M is over no more walking on eggshells 24 hours a day but it will still be a lot of ups and down feelings along the way this is your time to transition to heal and take care of yourself
As Job says stay calm and keep focus on the kids and your well being create a new life new activities new friends
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Got a pretty vile text about finances. She wants more money for Xmas gifts. I reminded her our parents contributed for kids xmas and she should use that. I will use my account to get the some things as well. She wasn't happy. Then she went on and on about leaving gaps in our home with the furniture I took, leaving TV mount on the wall and leaving trash bags out. Then ranted about not getting adequate money for the house with furniture missing. I explained a TV mount is part of the home and we would have to change the real estate paperwork to remove it. Then said I am ending the text thread. I don't really understand how she thinks a divorce is supposed to go, especially when one person moves out. Does she expect me to live without furniture?
In the evening I had PI follow her. I won't go into details but police ended up being called and I think I got slam dunk for custody now. Kids are safe and doing ok.
Hamburg, this sounds incredibly painful and stressful. I am so sorry you are going through that.
I would just say to keep putting the kids first. I don't think you are putting the kids first if you leave the house looking forlorn, with empty TV mount she can't afford to fill, or trash there or places where there should be furniture and isn't. Unless you had so much furniture that she can move things around to make it look just as homey as ever?
It all seems to be happening so fast for the kids -- it is a shame this couldn't have waited few weeks til after X-Mas for their sake. I imagine it is very painful for them to see the changes in the house. I remember as a child when my father left, it was those physical changes in the house that served as a constant reminder, almost more than his physical absence, of what had happened. To this day I can still remember exactly what chair and what painting they fought over -- that was over 30 years ago.
All these things could just as easily burn in a fire and you would have to make peace with not having them. For your children's sake, I would replace missing things in their home. I would even go over to the house and help them decorate for X-Mas if they are there full time. You can buy really nice things used off craigslist or eBay if you are in a city. I am sure you would give your life for you kids, so can't you give up a TV and some furniture? And it is right before Christmas when they will be home more and wanting to feel that happy feeling of Christmas and the house all cozy.
Your W is not capable of making adult decisions or selfless decisions right now, but you are. You are right that that's how divorce goes, but that's exactly why it's so awful for the kids. Keep thinking of ways to minimize the pain they have to go through. Their home is their world and the source of their peace.
I am assuming since you are a doctor that money is not an issue for you as far as furnishing your own apartment. But either way, I would rather get stuff from a thrift shop than put my kids through that physical reminder that their world is changing in a way they never wanted, especially if their mom is not in a state to put them first.
Last edited by Gerda; 12/16/1802:04 PM.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
I remember having to always conform to the crises with XH to keep peace here in our home I would not fight with him I learned to validate his choices I overlooked everything inappropriate he did I kelt the kids safe at all times, then ages 5 and 11 I knew I could not win I was up against a form of mental illness caused by unresolved childhood issues Called MLC I thanked him for his small contributions and focused on any good thing he did- which was very few things at that time
I was lucky because he moved out and I kept the home and full custody of the kids; and that was exactly what I wanted
I would encourage you to continue on your path and be open to whatever thoughts and ideas you think are most useful for your situation right now
There are no winners here in MLC. The crises is an opportunity for us to grow and transform into better beings If we are conscious, our kids will also turn out better for it and with less childhood stuff they will have to work through-
Our Stability and compassion and forgiveness are critical for our childrens growth and development Set boundries with MLCer But with the kids--become their rock of stability they can count on-
hang in there-You are doing good this is a tough road-
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
TBH we have a very large home. The only thing missing from downstairs is a dining table. They have another dining table where we ate 95% of the time. The remainder i took is from a sitting area in the master (where tv mount is) and a spare bedroom, places the kids infrequently see. The playroom, kids rooms and 2 living areas downstairs are intact. This is where they spend the majority of their time. We have plenty of extra furniture to be moved around and will stage the rest. As for trash, I had 2 small kitchen trash bags with paper goods and small boxes that I left in my master closet. She is being overly dramatic.
Moving was the hardest thing I've had to do but I couldn't take it any more. I was emotionally drained and numb. I felt myself slipping and did not want to say or do something I would regret (no violence) later. I live basically around the corner and will pick up the pace with the kids this week. My parents are nearby and have been helping over the past couple of weeks.
