Oh my did. You come to us saying how you can’t be with her because her behavior is so inconsistent, but so is yours!
I have to say your dynamic/relationship is super unhealthy.
She wants to be selfish, great, let her go be. Because she is being horribly selfish right now. And it’s cruel. And you are so codependent, you just follow her lead and what she does dictates your moves and emotions.
You don’t have to reaestablish verbal boundaries. You broke your own boundaries with actions, by engaging with her. Words are useless. Show with actions .
Let her send whatever she does, you ignore it unless it has to do with the safety and well being of your daughter.
She wants to come at you with relationship talk? You tell her you are ready to talk when she is ready to recommit to working on your marriage and working on herself.until then, you have nothing to say. Then walk away.
In the meantime you have lots and lots of work to do on your codependency tendencies. You’ll never regret that work, no matter what the outcome.
I do not discount the difficulty in all of this. But if you want effective and change and personal growth and healthy relationships moving forwRd, whether with her or someone else, all this work needs to be done
